Exit Wounds
by ghost writer 77
Summary: The truth will set you free. Secrets are revealed, damage is done and relationships are tested to their limits. *Chapter 9 up* "Detective Beckett, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Bracken greeted, rising almost regally from his leather seat.
1. Secrets

_**Exit Wounds**_

**Summary: The truth will set you free... Secrets are revealed, damage is done and relationships are tested to their limits.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them and never will. I'm only borrowing them for a while.**

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><p>"It's time for you to tell him, Kate," Dr. Burke urged quietly, his voice a low rumble. "If you want to move forward, if you want to start out a relationship right, you <em>need<em> to tell him."

Kate stood at the window, her brow furrowed and arms wrapped around herself in an attempt for some sort of comfort. She watched as people went about their daily business, seemingly unconcerned and untroubled while she was trying to put herself back together again; collecting the shattered parts of herself, the scattered ruins of a wounded soul. And she had been doing that every week, every session – little by little. She was gaining ground a little more, healing a little more, growing a little more. Little pieces of the girl before she lost her mother, small pieces of the woman before the scars, shards of her broken life. She was molding herself into someone more, someone who could give her heart freely and who could receive love in return.

Someone without a wall.

But her therapist was now suggesting that she pull the rug from under her own feet. That she potentially tear her partnership, her friendship, her potential relationship with the man she loves apart. It has been eight months since the shooting. Eight months since she heard Castle brokenly whisper those three words to her while her blood stained his hands, while her tragedy crushed his heart. Eight months since she sent him away with nothing but his offered heart and dull hope. Five months since she came back to him - not whole, but alive and healing.

"I don't know if I can," she said softly, turning back to Dr. Burke.

"Why not?"

She only shrugged in response and sat down.

"I think you know why," he urged softly.

She pursed her lips and swallowed thickly, fixing her eyes on the carpet. "Because I won't survive if he leaves," she whispered past the lump in her throat.

"Do you truly believe that he'll leave?"

She turned gaze to the window again and leaned forward, her elbows resting on her thighs. She took a moment before answering, shifting dark, solemn eyes back to her therapist.

"Who would stay after what I've done? God knows I've hurt him enough already. I've rejected and pushed him away enough already." Kate pressed her lips into a thin line, struggling to keep the tremor out of her voice. "_I_ would leave."

Dr. Burke watched her for moment. "But is this really the way you want to handle this? Bury everything and hope that it doesn't come up?"

Kate sat back and brought her legs unto the couch, wrapping her arms around them. "No, of course not." She rubbed her hands over her face in frustration. "It's just…" she trailed off, not able to find the right words.

"Just what, Kate?" Her therapist prodded gently.

"It's just feels so much easier to forget, to pretend it didn't happen, you know?"

Dr. Burke leaned forward, his calm, warm eyes watching her.

"Is it really easier for you to pretend it didn't happen? To pretend you didn't hear what he said?" He gave her a moment to process the questions before continuing, his voice like a soothing balm.

"And what about him, Kate? Do you think it's easier for him to pretend he never said that he loved you?" At that, her head snapped up, her eyes widening. "Have you ever considered what he had to go through? Never knowing whether the woman he loved would live or die, never knowing whether he would have the chance to see you again."

'_I watched you die in that ambulance. Did you know that? Do you know what that's like? Watching the life drain out of someone you… care about?'_

Her eyes welled up and she looked away, trying desperately to see past her blurry vision. To her shame, she never did consider what he had to go through. She left him for three months, cut him out of her life, pushed him away. At the time, that was the only way _she_ could cope, _she_ could survive. And it helped her get through the worst, helped her from falling deeper into a never-ending rabbit hole. She was a mess and her heart wasn't ready to accept what he was offering. She wasn't in the position to give him anything back.

But it scarred _him_, damaged _him_, hurt _him_.

"What am I supposed to do?" She asked, her eyes teeming with unshed tears, her voice cracking under the strain of emotion.

Her therapist watched for a long moment. "You need to decide what you want, Kate."

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Do you care about him?"

Her brow creased further. "Of course I do. He's my partner."

"And you're in love with him?"

Her eyes snapped up to his, her mouth parting in surprise. They haven't talked too openly about her feelings for Richard Castle. Just his feelings for her. Her thoughts drifted to her partner, her best friend. The corner of her mouth lifted into a ghost of a smile, her features coated in affection.

"Yes," she answered softly, biting her lower lip. "Yes, I am."

"And do you want to be in a relationship with him?"

She only nodded in response, her eyes on her fidgeting hands, the scar on her side feeling tight with every stuttering breath she was taking. She wanted to love and be loved by him so badly, it hurt.

"Then tell him, Kate." She lifted her eyes to the window, streaks of golden light painted the room in warmth. But instead of feeling a sense of comfort and peace, the cold weight of dread settled into the cavity where her heart was beating steadily. She wouldn't survive if he left-

"And have a little faith in him, in how you feel about each other."

* * *

><p>He was still stuck in the same place. The same place where he was five months ago. Just more questions and fewer answers. The only piece of additional information he had, was that this was much bigger than anyone of them thought. Johanna Beckett's murder and her daughter's subsequent shooting included shadowy figures that were way beyond their reach. And the involvement of the mystery man who had called him five months ago, who helped him during the Mayorcall-girl case, just made it even more puzzling and only led to more questions. What was Montgomery involved in? And more importantly: what leverage did he have that kept the Dragon away from Kate for all these years?

Well, all these years, except eight months ago.

Rick sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, sitting down on the edge of his desk. He was tired. In more ways than one. He was especially tired of having to restrain himself constantly around her, of taking down her wall (more like a fortress) brick by tedious brick, of waiting for their stars to finally align.

But he would wait for the rest of his life if it meant that he could have her heart in the end, if it meant that his future could be written in the language of her love, if it meant that she could be the epilogue to his life.

He was snapped out of his rather morbid thoughts when his phone rang, her smiling face lighting up the screen. The line of his mouth curved upwards slightly as he picked up his phone.

"Why Detective Beckett, have you missed me?"

He could practically see her eye roll. "Don't flatter yourself, Castle. I'm picking you up in fifteen-"

"For a date?" He teased.

She grinned, feeling entirely too happy in hearing the mock excitement in his tone. Jeez, it was just a joke. "Only if you could put out, Castle. And I don't think you're _that_ slutty."

He barked out a laugh, surprised and pleased. "Well, I could make an exception," he murmured.

Her smile softened, too completely in love to care that they were dangerously close to tip-toeing over that line that kept everything comfortable, everything friendly, everything _just_ enough.

For now.

"Tell you what, Castle, I'll take you out for a burger after we solve this murder, 'kay? And don't worry, I won't put any pressure on you for anything else."

He grinned. "Deal."

"See you in fifteen," she said before ending the call.

The remnants of a smile that remained on his lips, slowly slid away as Rick caught sight of his murder board, his lie, his secret.

Her protection.

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><p>"We need to remove him to get to her."<p>

"Sir, we've tried that already, but Smith is blocking us at all ends. He's making sure that the writer is staying at the precinct," the dark-haired, forty-something man protested.

The older, white-haired, distinguished-looking man leaned back in his chair. His eyes were cunning, calculating, calm.

"I'm not talking about removing him temporarily." He shifted forward, his features growing hard. "Get rid of the him. _Permanently._"

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><p><strong>AN: Yeah, I probably shouldn't start writing another story when I have so many still in progress... and when I start working next week. But, whatever, this has been in my mind for a while now so I want to give it a shot. Hopefully you'll also give it one.**

**Review please and tell me what you think! It always helps the muse.**

**My apologies if there are any grammar/spelling mistakes.**


	2. Gravity

**Summary: The truth will set you free... Secrets are revealed, damage is done and relationships are tested to their limits.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them and never will. I'm only borrowing them for a while.**

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><p><em>The crack of a gunshot.<em>

_Two bodies crashing to the ground._

_Screaming and panic and chaos._

_She's bleeding. _

_She's bleeding and he can't find the wound. His hands skirt frantically over her battered body, but he can't find it. He can't find the hole in her chest, the wound draining the life out of her eyes. All he can feel is the hot, sticky blood on his hands. _

_Her blood._

"_Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me. Please. Stay with me, okay?" His voice hitches, his eyes brimming with sudden tears because it doesn't look good. That wide-eyed, scared look she's giving him doesn't fit her, doesn't look good on her. Because it means he's losing her._

_And if he loses her, his heart will stop beating._

_His voice is low, quiet, flooding with grief and reverence when he speaks; a prayer to her._

"_Kate… I love you. I love you, Kate."_

_This time, however, when her eyes fall shut, she doesn't open them again. _

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><p>"Dad?" His daughter's voice snapped him out of the daze he found himself in. She came down the stairs, brow furrowed as she rubbed her eyes sleepily. "It's…three o'clock in the morning. What are you still doing up?"<p>

He tried to smile, but only one corner of his mouth managed to lift up. He had that dream again. The one where Kate doesn't wake up.

"Couldn't sleep," he answered, rubbing a hand over his face.

Alexis sat down next to him, her face bathed in concern. "Bad dream?"

He sighed and nodded. "Yeah, something like that."

She knew of course – it was a nightmare about that day in the cemetery. He had that dream frequently in the three months that Kate cut him out of her life.

They were silent for a few moments. "Dad, maybe you should go see someone. Like a therapist."

He immediately shook his head. "Alexis, I'm _fine_," he said, trying to convince his worried daughter. She didn't need to be dragged into his nightmares. She needed to stay away from that darkness.

"Are you, Dad?" He could hear the anger wrapping around her tone, squeezing the words out of her mouth with a whip of her tongue. "You go to the precinct, come home and work on her case. That's all you do. Is that your definition of _fine?"_

He let out a breath and pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead. "Pumpkin, it's three am. Let's not have this conversation now, okay? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty damn tired. So, can we postpone this inquisition until we're both a little more alert?"

He could see how her mouth was set in stubborn revolt, her eyes watching him closely. Finally, she sighed and gave an imperceptible nod.

"Okay," Alexis said softly.

Rick smiled and pulled her against him. "Thank you, Sweetie."

"I love you, Dad," she whispered, her voice tight. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

Oh, Alexis.

Rick tightened his hold on her, placed a kiss against her hair and rested his cheek on top of her head. "I love you too, Pumpkin. So very, very much. And nothing is going to happen to me." He jostled her lightly. "You hear me? You're not getting rid of your old man that easily."

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><p>"<em>Of course… Of course. We'll talk tomorrow," he said, getting up, his heart cracking under the heavy weight of disappointment; every breath filling his lungs felt like a stab to his chest, heavy and burning and aching. But she was alive and breathing and beautiful with her eyes open and her heart beating steadily. He would be there for her, support her, show her how much he loves-<em>

"_You mind if we don't? I just need a little bit of time."_

_Oh._

_That stung. _

"_Sure. Sure. How much time?" He asked, trying to keep the emotions off his face – the desperation, the hurt and most importantly the longing._

"_I'll call you, okay?" _

_He nodded numbly, his heart now shattering, breaking apart at the seams while all of the emotions he was struggling (and failing) to keep off his face, flooded his insides, racing through his veins like poison. He placed a hand on the door handle and briefly glanced back at her, trying to force his lips into a small smile, his eyes unable to hide the words dead on his tongue. _

_He loves her. _

_He may remember it. __But she doesn't._

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><p>"Castle." He was unresponsive, his eyes fixed blindly on some spot on the wall. "Castle," Kate said louder this time, bringing him out of his solemn thoughts.<p>

He turned to face her, his eyes clearing. "Mmm?"

Her brow furrowed as she regarded her partner. She noticed the dark circles under his eyes this morning when he joined her at the morgue.

"You okay? You've been zoning out on me for the last hour."

He returned a grin, but even though his lips slid open to reveal a row of pearly whites, she saw past that. She saw past his defenses. There was something stormy buried behind the blue hue of his eyes. Something heavy and dark. Something she didn't like to see.

"You're doing paperwork and even though I love watching you do just about anything detective," he said, his smile turning into a suggestive leer. "I just enjoy it more when you kick down doors and tackle suspects. Call me crazy, but it's strangely arousing."

Kate rolled her eyes and bit her lip, trying to not to smile and willing the heat to leave her cheeks.

"I'm flattered," she said flatly, sarcasm lacing her tone.

After another ten minutes passed, Kate stood up, startling Rick from his intense game of Angry Birds. "Come on, Castle. I'll buy you a drink."

He grinned. "I'm not saying no to that," he said, helping her into her coat. He paused for a moment, his hands stilling on her shoulders. Kate froze, a breath caught in her throat.

"Beckett," his tone was teasing and light. "I believe you promised me dinner after we closed this case."

She relaxed her shoulders, slowly exhaling the breath she'd been holding.

"I do recall something along the lines of buying you a burger at Remy's."

His grin widened. "And a milkshake."

Kate rolled her eyes, failed to keep the amusement out of the curve of her mouth.

"You're such a child."

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><p><em>It was quiet and peaceful, the only sounds being the cheerful chirping of the birds in the trees and the rustling of the leaves in the soft breeze. <em>

_If only she could find that quietness in her own head, that peacefulness in her own troubled heart. It was 5am and she had been up because she couldn't sleep anymore, because she'd been having dreams – memories warped into nightmares and nightmares mixed with memories. _

_There was one particular dream she could not shake, one that haunted her the most. It's one where she was the one firing the gun that killed Montgomery, where she was the one who was ultimately responsible for her mother's death. Where she was the one without the scars, but Rick was the one bleeding out on the grass, his bright eyes losing their sparkle, his life. It's when he closes his eyes and when his heart stops beating under her shaking hands that she usually jerks awake, wide-eyed and panting._

_"Katie?" _

_She turned towards her father and attempted to smile, but only the corner of her mouth lifted. "Hey, Dad."_

_"You're up early," Jim commented, taking a seat next to his daughter. _

_Kate shifted her gaze back to the lake, smooth and shimmering in the early-morning sunlight. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep anymore," she replied softly. They both knew why she couldn't sleep. In the beginning of her recovery, Jim frequently had to wake a screaming Kate, haunted by that night in the hangar or that day in the cemetery. It had gotten better, but on occasion she still woke up screaming._

_They sat in silence for a few moments, listening to the morning sounds all around them._

_"Have you called him yet?" _

_Kate tensed, her jaw clenching at the mention of her partner. "No," she replied shortly._

_Next to her, Jim sighed and sagged further into his chair. "Katie, it's been two months. Don't you think-"_

_"We've talked about this," she interrupted tersely. "I just... need some time, Dad."_

_Jim studied his daughter carefully - the tension in her jaw, the grim set of her mouth, the dark glimmer of her eyes. _

_She was struggling to hold it together. _

_"Honey, I just want to see you happy. And you've said it yourself - Rick makes you happy. So why are you pushing him away?"_

_Kate swallowed past the burning sensation in her throat, her eyes teeming with sudden hot tears. No one beside her and Rick knew about those three words he brokenly whispered to her._

_"I'm broken, Dad," she said, her voice small and trembling. "I can't... face him yet. I can't deal with any of this yet." She turned wet eyes to her father, her struggle reflected in his own eyes. "Please, Dad, I... I need you to respect that."_

_Jim leaned across the two chairs and pulled his daughter, his little girl into a fierce hug. "Okay, okay." They stayed like that for a while, both allowing their tears to fall._

_"I love you, Katie. We're gonna get through this. You hear me?"_

_Kate sucked in a shaky breath and nodded, clutching her father more tightly. "I love you too, Daddy."_

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><p>"Uh, first kiss?" Rick asked, grinning widely before taking a sip of his milkshake.<p>

"Ugh, seriously, Castle?"

He shrugged. "What? I'm interested."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Let me guess, you need some Nikki Heat inspiration."

His smile softened, his eyes regarding her with tenderness and affection.

It made her stomach flip.

"No, I just want to know everything about you, Kate."

Oh, wow.

Soon, however, his self-satisfied smirk returned in typical Rick Castle-fashion. "Besides," he continued, stealing one of her fries. "I thought this is what people do on a date."

Her heart skipped a beat at the word 'date'.

Her mouth slide open into a wide smile, a part of her lower lip caught teasingly in between her teeth.

"This isn't a date, Castle."

He shook his head. "It is so a date. Anything that includes food and good company between a man and a woman constitutes a date. It's the law of the universe." Kate only shook her head in amusement and rolled her eyes. "And, by the way, we've had about a gazillion dates over the last three years, Detective."

Kate quirked an eyebrow and bit the inside of her cheek to stop from grinning.

When she spoke, her voice was a low, sultry rumble. "So does that mean I get to go to third base tonight, Castle?"

He nearly choked to death on a fry.

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><p>"You think you're clever, Mr. Smith."<p>

The grey-haired man leaned back into his leather seat. "What do you want?"

"I know what you're trying to do. Keeping the writer at the precinct to keep Detective Beckett away from her mother's case. Clever, very clever." The man with the smooth, deep voice paused. "There is just one problem with that plan."

"What's that?"

"You've forced me to take down your most important pawn. And believe me, Mr. Smith, I plan to." The man stood and walked to his window, the lights of Washington bright against the dark sky. "So if you don't want Richard Castle's death on your hands, I suggest you get him out of my way."

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><p><strong>AN: Apologies for the delay, I started a new job and it's taking up a lot of my time, but this story has kept swirling around in my mind. I really can't wait for the reveal of their secrets - it's gonna be awesome. And I think that Rick is in more danger than we realise. Anyway, I'll try to update as soon as I can. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews already and for your patience.**

**Drop me a review and tell me what ya think.**

**Apologies for any grammar/spelling mistakes.**


	3. Landslide

**Summary: The truth will set you free... Secrets are revealed, damage is done and relationships are tested to their limits.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them and never will. I'm only borrowing them for a while.**

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><p>Detective Kate Beckett felt good today. She had a good sparring session. She had a good night's rest (along with dreams of a certain blue-eyed writer). They closed their case late yesterday and was only left with paperwork.<p>

So far, so good.

And when her partner walked in being all ruggedly handsome in his blue coat and cashmere scarf, her day just got a whole lot better.

Her mouth slid open into a wide smile with the joy breaking open over her face, her dark eyes sparkling.

"Morning, Castle."

He returned a smile. "Gooood morning, Detective." He handed her the usual cup of coffee. "Grande skim latte, two pumps, sugar-free vanilla as per usual."

"Oh, bless you," she breathed, taking the cup.

He sat down. "So? Any grizzly murders we can solve today?"

She shook her head, a smile flirting with her lips. "Jeez, Castle, you make it sound like a day at Disneyland."

"Well, it's a hell of a lot better than doing paperwork."

"Says the man who never does the actual paperwork," she retorted dryly.

He waved her off. "Eh, semantics."

They sat in silence for a while, Kate doing paperwork and Rick playing on his phone when not staring at her. Suddenly his phone rang, pulling the writer out of his inner daydreams of the Hamptons beaches and Kate Beckett in a bikini.

"Castle," he answered.

"Good morning, Mr. Castle."

Rick stiffened, the smile dropping off his face. He cut his eyes to Kate who was focused on her paperwork.

"I- I can't talk now," he said quietly, his voice strained. Kate looked at him, puzzled and a little alarmed.

Abruptly he got up, quickly walking towards the break room. Away from Kate and her concerned, questioning gaze.

He closed the break room door and let out a breath, his heart hammering against the confines of his chest.

"What is this about? Is Kate in danger?" He whispered, his eyes flitting around, making sure that no one was in the nearby vicinity.

"Not at the moment, no."

Oh, thank God.

Rick sighed in relief, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Then what is this about?"

"Let's not have this conversation over the phone, Mr. Castle. Meet me at our usual place in two hours."

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><p>That good feeling she was having today, started to slip the moment Castle got that phone call. Why couldn't talk to that person in front of her? Why couldn't he look her in the eye? Why did he seem so guilt-ridden about a phone call? The thoughts and questions circling in her head were not comforting. They all included visions of her partner entangled in someone else's sheets, her writer dedicating his books to someone else, the love of her life whispering those three words to someone else.<p>

Was there someone else? Has he already forgotten- ?

No, no, no. He loved her. He still loved her. He wouldn't give up that soon. He would still wait for her, still try to break down that damned wall. Right? She had to believe in that. Everything he did, showed that he loved her.

The sounds of heavy footsteps, snapped her out of her thoughts. Kate lifted her head to see her partner approach her desk once again. The tense and guarded expression on his face, however, did nothing to soothe her concerns.

"Beckett, I- I have to go," he said, grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair. He barely made eye contact and Kate had to swallow down her panic.

"Everything okay, Castle?" She asked, trying to keep her voice even, trying not show the desperate ache in her chest. Trying not to show the knowledge of what he said, of what he confessed.

His lips lifted briefly. "Yeah, everything's fine. I...," he hesitated, schooling his features. "I just have a meeting with Paula. It completely slipped my mind."

It was a lie. They both knew it, but in typical fashion, it was swept under the rug along with all of the things left unsaid, all of the secrets that were kept hidden.

She nodded slowly and he could see the unbelief and traces of hurt swimming in her eyes.

He hated himself a little bit for that.

"Okay. Well, see you tomorrow?" Kate asked, lifting an eyebrow.

Rick's mouth curved slightly, his eyes lacking their usual glimmer.

"Sure. See you tomorrow."

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><p><em>She stared at her phone, at his number on the screen. It was actually very simple - she only had to press call. But she didn't. Kate sighed and put her phone down. It has been two months of silence already, two months of an empty promise. She couldn't talk to him yet, let him in just yet. Every time her thoughts drifted to him, the desperate plea spilling from his lips, the heartbreaking confession rising from his heart would swirl around in her mind. <em>

_He loved her._

_The knowledge was torture because she was broken and incomplete. Damaged goods. An utter mess of vengeance and tragedy. And she was angry - angry at herself for not being ready for what he wanted to offer and angry at him for revealing his heart to her while their world was falling apart. _

_She brushed a hand over the acknowledgement page, her eyes filling with hot tears once again._

_'Detective Kate Beckett has shown me the ropes of homicide investigation, not to mention how to make sense of songs.'_

_He loved her._

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><p>"That's close enough, Mr. Castle."<p>

Rick stopped in his tracks, the darkness of the parking lot casting shadows over the faceless man who called him that morning for another secret meeting. It had been three months since the Mayor's case and three months since he had heard from the mysterious Mr. Smith. The silence stretched out for a while, the only sounds that of screeching tires, doors slamming shut and car alarms going off in the distance.

"Could you please tell me why I am here, Mr. Smith?"

"You need to stop."

Rick's brow furrowed in confusion. Stop? Stop _what?_

"What do you mean?"

"You need stop shadowing Detective Beckett."

The words hit him like ice water, freezing the blood in his veins, his heart rate jumping erratically. There was not in chance in hell of that happening.

"No." The word was spat out harshly, growled in sudden anger. "There is no way I'm leaving her alone. I'm her partner."

The older man sighed. "If you don't, I can't guarantee your safety."

"I don't care," the answer came immediately.

He would never leave her.

There was a beat of silence. "Then I can't guarantee the safety of your family, Mr. Castle."

The breath whooshed out of his lungs.

Oh God.

Alexis, his mother. He had to swallow the sudden bile rapidly rising in his throat, lean against the wall while his knees shook with the realization.

His family.

He hadn't thought of that. He knew that there was always a chance that the Dragon would come after him. In fact, he had prepared himself for that eventuality. But his family? No. He couldn't fathom what would happen to him if Alexis, his mother or-

Suddenly it hit him like a freight train, his chest tightening with the knowledge, spilling it into his heart.

Kate was his family too.

He loved her. Simple as that. If something had to happen to her again, he would not survive it.

"Kate is my family too," he answered hoarsely, his throat burning, his eyes swimming. "I- I can't and I won't let anything happen to my family. You understand me? _Nothing_."

The silence stretched out for a while.

"Fine, Mr. Castle. I will try my best to protect you and your family, but I can't make any promises."

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><p><em>He couldn't sleep. Again. Rick sighed and rolled out of bed, his feet hitting the floor with a tired thud. He rubbed his eyes and checked the clock on his bedside table. It flashed 2:56 am. He dropped his head and let out a shaky breath, taking a moment before getting up. Maybe writing would help. <em>

_Three weeks._

_He hadn't heard from her in three weeks and it was eating him alive, slowly draining the life out of his veins, slowly turning his heart to stone. _ She promised that she would call. __

_But she never did._

_Every time his phone rang, the hope, the untamed joy would unfurl in his chest just to be crushed by the realization that it was not Kate calling. He needed to know that she was okay, that there was no one lurking in the shadows, no one trying to harm her. He had to be sure that she was still alive and breathing. He knew that she was because she called Lanie that afternoon and the boys the previous day._

_He didn't get a call. _

_He probably wouldn't. All of this was his fault, after all. Josh had been right. He was the one had reopened Johanna Beckett's case, he was the one who lured her back into the rabbit hole, he was the one who got Montgomery killed, he was the one who got Kate shot._

_Her silence was proof of his guilt, her world was falling apart because to the dominoes that he sent falling in the first place. There was however one question that kept his hopes alive: Would it be different if she knew how he felt? _

_Yes. Yes, surely it would. _

_The only comfort he had was that she didn't hear him, that she didn't remember his desperate plea, his failing prayer. _

_Because if she had, the Kate Beckett he knew and loved would never torture him like this._

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><p>She felt ready for this again, more grounded and farther from the rabbit hole. Kate took a breath and opened her homemade murder board. All of her notes were reattached with a few new additions she made over the last few months. Most notably of course, Roy Montgomery's role in everything. Her chest still tightened when she thought of her mentor, the man she trusted like a father.<p>

"If it was over, Roy, why did they still try to come after me?" She mused aloud, folding her arms around herself, her scar feeling tight. There was something missing. Something that they never picked up on. How was it possible for Captain Montgomery to be unaffected by this for so many years? How was it possible for him to keep his family and Kate safe all these years?

Her brow furrowed, her lips pursed. The answer was staring her in the face, she could feel it on the tip of her tongue. Tantalizing and delicious and so close that her heart rate spiked. She sighed and dropped her head in her hand, her eyes closing.

_Leverage._

At the thought, Kate's eyes snapped open, her head jerking back up; green eyes brilliant and all-seeing. Her mouth parted slightly, the knowledge setting her whole face alight with intelligence.

Leverage.

Montgomery had some sort of leverage against the Dragon. Her parted mouth lifted upwards into a small unbelieving smile. There were two questions that remained: what was this leverage and where was it? She grabbed her coat and keys and rushed out the door.

She needed to talk to her partner.


	4. Crash

**Summary: The truth will set you free... Secrets are revealed, damage is done and relationships are tested to their limits.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them and never will. I'm only borrowing them for a while.**

**(Updated version - spotted a few mistakes)**

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><p>"Hold your horses, I'm coming!" Rick called out to the person pounding furiously against his door. He quickly made his way to the front door, brow creased and thoughts still clouded with Johanna Beckett's murder, Kate's shooting and the mysterious Mr. Smith's ominous warning.<p>

"Alright, alright I'm coming," he called out when the person on the other side knocked again. When he swung the door open, his mouth dropped open in surprise.

"Beckett."

She gave him a bright, beautiful smile, her face flushed. "Hey, Castle." He stared at her for a moment, frozen on the spot.

"Uh, may I come in?" Kate asked eventually, biting her lip to keep from smiling.

"Sure. Yeah, of course." He ushered her in, still a little surprised at the impromptu visit.

"So, what brings you to my door this evening, Detective?" He asked with a teasing lilt to his voice. Rick wasn't expecting anyone tonight and was busy looking at his homemade murder board-

Shit.

The murder board was still on. He came to an abrupt stop in the middle of his living room, heart skidding erratically up. If Kate walked into his office tonight and see what he was keeping from her, she would probably walk out of his home, his life for good.

"Do I need a reason, Castle?"

He huffed out a nervous laugh, weaving a hand through his hair and turned to face her.

"No, I guess not. Uh, make yourself comfortable, Kate. I- I just need to..." He pointed towards his office. "...save my work."

Her brow furrowed, stumbling to a halt. "I didn't realise you were writing, Castle. I'm sorry, I should have called. Maybe I should let you-"

"No, Kate. Please, sit and make yourself comfortable. I'll be with you now," he said with a warm smile. He started to walk away, but stopped and turned back towards her; eyes soft and shining with affection. "You're always welcome here. No matter what."

Her heart flipped, spilling the feeling onto the canvas of her face. "Thanks, Rick."

He quickly shut off the murder board - barely looking at the screen - as he tried to hold onto that warm feeling filling his chest. He tucked his secret, the dreaded knowledge away. When he returned to the living room, Kate was peering intently at a picture of him and Alexis, a gentle smile caressing her lips. Before he could stop himself, images of family portraits with her and little dark-haired, green-eyed children in it popped into his head. He shook it off and cleared his throat, Kate turning to face him.

"Uh, you want some wine?"

Her smile widened. "Yeah, thanks."

"So? What's up?" He asked, Kate following him into the kitchen.

"I think I might have found something."

He pulled out two wine glasses, frowning in confusion. "Found something?" He poured and handed her a glass.

Kate dropped her eyes, her lower lip lodged in between her teeth, fingers fidgeting with the stem of the glass in her hands.

"In my mom's case," she said quietly, strongly; her eyes finding his again.

Rick faltered for a moment, almost knocking his glass of wine over. His chest felt tight, stomach rolling uncomfortably, mouth suddenly dry.

He swallowed, his gaze falling away. "W-what did you find?" He had to know how close she was and then steer away from danger.

Her eyes sparkled with intelligence, intensity. She wasn't the broken, tattered woman who was close to falling into the rabbit hole anymore. She was Detective Kate Beckett - fierce, strong and in control. She was ready again.

He wasn't.

She was still in the cross-hairs - maybe in more danger than ever - and to Rick it was completely out of the question that she touched this case again. He was going to make sure that she didn't.

"Leverage."

His eyes flew back to hers.

"Montgomery had some sort of leverage." She pursed her lips for a moment, eyes on a spot on his kitchen counter, her forehead creasing in concentration. He watched her closely, the sudden panic rising up his throat. "I was looking at my mother's files and it suddenly struck me: how did he manage to stay safe all of these years? How did he manage to keep _me _safe all these years." He wanted to yell at her that she wasn't safe, that all of Montgomery's efforts and his sacrifices were futile.

But he didn't. He just watched her with growing anxiety.

Her eyes met his again and he could see how her brain was putting the pieces together.

"If we could just find out-"

"No," he said suddenly, forcefully; his face bleak and tense, eyes hard.

Kate's mouth dropped open in shock, her brow furrowing. "No? What do you mean no, Castle?"

His jaw clenched, body rigid. He was angry, irrationally angry with her for doing this again. For not seeing how dangerous this was.

"Kate, they put a bullet in your chest," he stated bluntly, his voice low and grim. "Or did you forget about that? Because I sure as hell haven't." It was there all over his face - everything that he buried so carefully over the summer, everything he put away since that day, every ugly scar he tried to keep hidden.

Kate felt her own temper wavering, his words like a punch in the gut. Of course she didn't forget that day - _anything_ about that day.

"Castle, it's been months and no one has tried to come after me again."

"And why do you think that is?" His expression was thunderous, fury flickering over his face like lightning. "Damn it, Kate, you haven't touched your mother's case in months. What do you think is going to happen when you start poking around in it again?"

She got up from her seat, rage setting her limbs on fire. "Well, I thought that my partner would help me with this, be with me on this. After all, that is what he promised." She grabbed her coat. _"Clearly_ I was mistaken."

She started towards the door, but a hand snatched her arm and turned her around.

"We are not done talking about this, Kate," he said, his voice eerily calm and his face blank of any emotion.

She pulled away and took a step back, face contorting in anger. "What's there to talk about, Rick?" She could feel her eyes starting to sting, feeling a strange sense of betrayal. "You don't want to help me, so I'll do this myself."

_If she only knew._

He scrubbed a hand over his face. "This isn't about me not wanting to help. This is about your life."

_About keeping you safe._

"Exactly!" She exclaimed. "I want this over, Castle. I want to live my life without cross-hairs on my back."

_I want to live it with you._

"And what about next time, Kate? Do you think they're going to give you another chance to survive?" He dropped his head and took a shuddering breath. "I can't lose you again. Kate, I..." he caught himself before the words could tumble out of the confines of his mouth, before his heart could be exposed to her in that way.

"What, Castle?" She stepped closer, eyes hard. "You can't say those three words when I'm not bleeding out?" The words flew out of her mouth, vicious and unguarded.

And she immediately regretted them.

His face paled, breath stuttering. She froze, hand flying to her mouth and eyes growing wide. They stared at each other. Everything became very quiet and for what felt like an eternity, silence enveloped and suffocated them.

"You remember?" He asked quietly, his eyes bleeding with agony, with sorrow.

Her vision was swimming by now, all of her sins out in the open and now waiting for judgement.

She lifted mournful eyes to him, seeing the hurt cascading over his face.

Her next words were whispered, flavoured with shame and guilt.

"I never forgot."

* * *

><p><em>He was knocking at her door with flowers in hand, trying desperately to stop the shaking of his hands, the hammering of his heart. This wasn't planned, this wasn't thought trough and this wasn't a good idea. But he was done waiting. His need to make sure that she was still alive and breathing overrode the respect he felt for her request for time.<em>

_Silence, however, met him from the other side of the door. He took a breath and raised his hand to knock for a second time, a little harder this time. Maybe she didn't hear him the first time. He was met by silence once again. He swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. He knocked for a third time. Maybe she was out. Maybe she saw it was him and didn't want to open the door. The thought felt like a sucker-punch to the gut._

_Or worse. What if something had happened- ?_

_Oh, God._

__The desperation clawed at his insides, churned his stomach. _He pounded his fist against her door again, urgent and frantic now._

_"Kate. If you're in there, please open up," he said, his voice hoarse and tight with emotion. "Please."_

_"She ain't here," a woman's raspy voice interrupted._

_He swung around in confusion. "W-what?"_

_A plain woman in her forties, groceries in hand, stood at the neighbouring apartment's door._

_"You're looking for that pretty detective lady, right?"_

_Kate Beckett was beautiful. Not just pretty. But he didn't correct the woman, just nodded in confirmation._

_"Uh, yeah."_

_"Well, she ain't here," the woman said with a shrug. "She hasn't been here for a few weeks now come to think of it."_

_"Oh." His brow furrowed. "Do you perhaps know where she is?" The question tasted sour on his tongue. He had to resort to asking a stranger if she knew where his partner was._

_The woman shrugged again. "Beats me."_

_He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Thank you," Rick said quietly, relief and disappointment warring with each other._

_He was about to turn around when the woman spoke again, her voice flowing in gentler tones._

_"She was shot you know."_

_He swallowed thickly and briefly closed his eyes before turning back towards her._

_His mouth lifted into a sad smile. "Yeah, I know. I was there."_

_But he wasn't there now._

_And she didn't hear him._

* * *

><p>It felt like a stab to the chest, knocking the air out of his lungs. His stumbled onto the edge of the couch, his head falling into his hands, shoulders rising and falling with every ragged breath.<p>

All this time and-

Nothing.

Nothing but lies and deceit and stupid, _stupid_ hope.

"Three months," Rick said softly, his voice like gravel, rough and broken. He slowly lifted his head and her breath caught at the devastation on his face. "Three goddamn months of _nothing._" He got up again slowly, his body lined with tension. "You know the only thing that kept me going, the _only_ thing that gave me hope was thinking that you didn't remember, that you didn't hear me." Rick pursed his lips, the tension scarring his face. "Because I believed, I was convinced that if you remembered that you wouldn't cut me out, that you wouldn't do that to me." His mouth lifted into a bitter, twisted smile. "Guess I was wrong."

He turned his back on her and started to walk away, suddenly exhausted.

"Rick, wait." Tears and despair weaved around her voice, squeezing the words out of her mouth.

He came to a stop at the entrance to his office and let out a long, shaky sigh before turning back to face her.

"What?" He asked, shrugging his shoulders weakly. "What, Kate?"

She stood rooted at the spot. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she said quietly. She took a step towards him, cheeks wet and voice cracking. Desperate now to try and fix what couldn't be mended. Desperate to rebuild burnt bridges.

"Rick, I lo-"

He put up a hand. "Don't." He knew what she wanted to say and couldn't hear it now (or ever). Couldn't stomach another confession of love in the midst of destruction.

"Just don't." He swallowed past the clog in his throat, heart squeezing painfully in his chest. "Please just..." He waved towards the door. "Leave."

The _'And don't come' back _was left unsaid.

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><p><strong>AN: Well, these characters have minds of their own, I tell you. I did not intend them to get to her secret yet, but, alas, they had other ideas. I would like to hear your thoughts on this. I've read many different versions of Rick's reaction to her confession and I think he will be angry and hurt by it and that it might break him a little. I don't think we fully understand what he went through during those three months and that's also why I'm writing flashback scenes to try and bring that in.**

**Thank you for all the kind reviews so far and for all of the alerts as well. You are awesome!**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Apologies for any grammar and/or spelling mistakes. **


	5. Burn

**Apologies for the loooong delay - the muse and I disagreed about where to go to next, but I think this chapter sets the story up nicely. And hopefully, the updates will be much quicker.**

**Summary: The truth will set you free... Secrets are revealed, damage is done and relationships are tested to their limits.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them and never will. I'm only borrowing them for a while.**

*** Italics - flashbacks; normal font - present time**

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><p><strong>Burn<strong>

Martha watched her son closely; his face seemed to be made of stone, the glint in his blue eyes dimmed. Something was wrong, _very_ wrong.

She stepped into the room. "Richard, darling, what's going on? You've been holed up in your office for days now."

It's been a week since he last saw her. She has left about a dozen messages so far which he has, of course, ignored. No one knew what happened between them – not even his mother or daughter.

If he was going to fall apart, he was going to do it on his own.

He didn't look up at his mother when he eventually responded.

"Nothing, Mother," he muttered with a shrug. "Inspiration has struck," Rick added, the words rolling bitterly off his tongue.

Martha sighed – she knew her son, even though he believed he was so good at hiding what he was feeling. Granted, he was good at it – just not when he was trying to hide it from his mother.

"Darling, we both know that's not true." She stepped closer, watching the tense set of his shoulders, the hard lines of her son's face, the way he clenched his jaw. He hasn't shaved in days. By looks of it, he hasn't slept in days as well.

He stayed silent, his only answer the clicking sounds of his fingers flying over the keyboard.

She sighed. "Well, you haven't been to the precinct in a week and I know there's only one person who can get you this. . ." She waved her hand around. _"-unhinged."_

He went stock still, eyes glued to the screen before he eventually looked at his mother.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said quietly, a dark edge bleeding into the words.

Martha was struck by the quiet sorrow and burning heartache in her son's voice. It made her own heart twist painfully.

She decided to cut to the chase. "What happened between you and Kate?"

His eyes fluttered shut for a moment. "I told you that I didn't-"

She cut him off, feeling her patience wavering. Her son could be so dramatic sometimes.

Honestly.

"Yes, I know, but you have been hiding yourself for a week now. Over what, Richard? Surely, it can't be that bad that you don't want to go back."

He snapped his gaze to her, eyes suddenly blistering with anger. "It is and we're _done."_ He let out a breath and dropped his head into his hand, all of the fight rushing out of him in an instant. "She lied to me."

Martha's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean, Richard? What did she lie about?"

He was quiet for a few moments.

"She heard me when I told her I loved her," he murmured, meeting his mother's eyes. "And then she left for three months without a word." He sighed, pressing the heel of his hand against his eye socket. So very tired. "Ever since then, she's been lying to me about that day."

His mother sagged down onto the leather couch. How is it possible that two people so perfect for each other can screw things up so badly?

"Oh, Richard. I'm sorry," she said. "What are you going to do?"

He glanced at her and shrugged, his voice steely and his tone carrying a grim conviction.

"There's nothing left to do. It's over." He took a breath. "I'm moving on."

And failing miserably.

* * *

><p><em>It has been two months since the shooting and they were still nowhere. Sure, they had leads and few pieces of evidence, but all of that seemed to lead to a dead end.<em>

_Still, they would never give up. And that's why he kept showing up. _

_"Morning, guys," Rick greeted cheerfully, carrying a bag of pastries and a holder with three coffees._

_The two detectives briefly glanced away from the whiteboard to greet him. _

_"Morning, Castle."_

_"Hey, bro."_

_Rick looked at the two detectives. "So? Anything new?" _

_Ryan and Esposito glanced at each other, looking slightly despondent._

_"No, nothing," Ryan said, falling down into a chair, rubbing a hand over his face. Still nowhere. _

_"Everything is a dead-end," Esposito added, his face hard. _

_"What about the groundskeeper?"_

_Ryan shook his head. "Guy's a ghost. We ran face hits, license plates. Nothing panned out."_

_"He would have been too careful," Rick murmured thoughtfully. "What about the DNA forensics got off the weapon?"_

_"No hits in the system," Esposito said. "But we did flag it."_

_"What about you, Castle? You have anything?" Ryan asked._

_Rick sat down and watched the other two men closely. __After a while, he shifted in his seat._

_"I think I might have thought of something, yeah," he said tentatively. _

_The two men turned their attention to him._

_"Castle, I swear bro, if this is one of your crazy theories-"_

_Rick held up his hands. "Just hear me out, Javi."_

_The Hispanic detective nodded and took a seat. Ryan crossed his arms and waited. _

_"So, what's your theory, Castle?"_

_He glanced between them. "Money." The other two men frowned. "We know that Raglan, McAllister and Montgomery all received ransom money from the mobsters, right?" The other two men nodded in agreement, growing intrigued by this new line of thinking. _

_"And we know that they paid off the guy who's behind all of this to keep him quiet."_

_"What's your point, Castle?" Esposito asked._

_"My point is that they all had to pay off the same guy. Probably deposited the money into a single bank account." _

_Ryan sat up, his blue eyes suddenly coming alive with interest. "That means there has to be a money trail."_

_Rick nodded. "Exactly."_

_Esposito also got up, grabbing a marker and connecting Raglan, McAllister and the third cop's (Montgomery's) photos on the whiteboard._

_"So, if we look at who they were in business with back in the day-" He turned back to face Ryan and Castle, eyes intent on them. "-we can find this son of a bitch. That what you're saying, bro?"_

_Rick's mouth lifted into a small smile, relief sweeping over his face. _

_"Yeah, yeah. That's what I was thinking."_

_Ryan grinned. "Well, let's get cracking then."_

* * *

><p>"Has she said anything about what happened?" Ryan asked his partner, watching Kate sit by her desk, stoic and forlorn.<p>

Esposito glanced at the woman he considered to be a sister and shook his head. "Nah, nothing." He looked at his partner, his face hard. "But I feel like going to Castle and ripping him a new one, bro."

The Irish detective just shook his sadly, turning back to his own paperwork. "Yeah, well, he must have his reasons."

"It better be good ones," Esposito muttered menacingly.

Before his partner could respond, Kate called out.

"Boys, we got a fresh one. Come on."

Luckily, none of them made the mistake of asking whether she would call Castle. Ryan did that a few days ago and watched, in great confusion, as the blood drained from Kate's face and her eyes became duller.

"Comin' boss," Esposito called out. He turned back to Ryan, pinning him with a grim look. "Hey, I have a good mind to go and give Castle a piece of my mind after shift ends. You with me, bro?"

Ryan glanced at Beckett again, seeing how haunted she looked.

"Yeah, I'm with you, man. Something's wrong, _very_ wrong."

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><p>He was staring out the window, lost in thought and only faintly aware of his surroundings and the noises of the bustling city below. He wasn't really paying attention to anything around him. There were lawyers and Black Pawn associates and people who generally kissed his ass and told him how wonderful he was. And of course, then there was Gina who didn't pull any punches.<p>

"Richard, are you listening?" Gina barked from across the table, causing Rick to startle back into the conversation.

"Mm, what? Sorry, I. . . what we were you saying?"

She pursed her lips in frustration. "We were talking about _Frozen Heat _and when we can expect the first draft."

"Oh, right. Okay."

She lifted a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "So? When can expect it?"

He he cleared his throat awkwardly, knowing that what he was about to say would probably unleash Hurricane Gina.

"Well, I'm not ready to send it to you yet."

His publisher and second ex-wife stared at him, jaw clenching - a tell-tale sign that her patience was with him was wearing thin. He knew that look all too well.

"What do you mean you're not ready yet?"

He sat back, holding her gaze. "I'm not done," he said simply with a shrug of his shoulders. "You know as well as I do, that the creative process can't be. . . _rushed."_ He flashed her a cocky grin, unrepentant and arrogant.

"Oh, cut the crap, Richard! Black Pawn wants that first draft ASAP." She gestured to a plain-looking man next to her in a smart $1200 suit. "If I don't get it on my desk in three weeks, we _will_ take legal action." She sighed and pushed a hand through her hair. "I don't think we want a _Heat Rises_-situation again."

He tensed immediately, the cocky facade slipping as the memories came rushing back.

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><p><em>He was staring at the blank screen, the cursor blinking hypnotically - tempting and mocking him at the same time. He still had to write the final chapter of Heat Rises while the final draft of the book was already due a week ago. Of course, Gina was going off like a banshee, threatening with lawsuits and financial penalties. <em>

_Yada, yada, yada. _

_Not that he cared. Not about Gina and her hissy fits, not about the damn book, not about a lot except making sure that Kate was safe and alive. __Of course, he didn't know that for sure; only that she was recovering at her father's cabin. He had spoken to Jim Beckett a few times since Kate's shooting, but refrained from asking where that said cabin was. Because if he knew, he might climb in his car and show up unannounced. Which might not be the best idea._

_If she would just call-_

_His phone rang then, snapping Rick out of his musings. He lunged almost desperately for the device, hoping for the millionth time that it would be Kate on the other end of the line._

_"Castle," he answered hopefully. _

_"Hey, bro. You busy?"_

_Rick dropped his head into his hand, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment. He tried, but failed to keep the disappointment from engulfing him again. _

_"Hey Espo," he greeted with false cheer. "Uh, I'm actually trying to write - I'm way behind my deadline. But, to be honest, I'm going stir crazy."_

_"You wanna join Ryan and me for a case?" The Hispanic detective offered. "It's definitely a Beck- Castle-flavoured one," he quickly amended._

_The writer sat back, his mouth curving into a lopsided smile. "I don't know, man."_

_"Oh, come on, Castle. We could really use your help."  
><em>

_He let out a breath and after a while answered: "Okay, send me the address. I'll see you in a bit."_

_Screw the deadline - he can write tomorrow. _

_At least this way he'll be closer to her. _

* * *

><p>"Hey, Castle. . . it's me. Again," Kate greeted awkwardly. She sighed and sank into her desk chair, a hand combing through her hair. "Look, I- I know that you don't want to talk to me. I get that. But, just let me explain and if you still. . . feel the same way-" She had to swallow back the sudden tightness in her throat. "-I- I'll leave you alone," she finished, her voice cracking. "Just, please give me a chance, Rick."<p>

She ended the call, her lip caught between her teeth as she stared at the screen. That was probably the thirteenth message she has left him in the space of eight days.

"Yo, Beckett," Esposito called from across the bullpen. Kate looked up, masking whatever heartache was carved onto her features. "We may have something."

She took a breath and walked towards where he was at the murder board. "So, what have you got? Do we have an ID for our vic yet?"

"Yeah, he's a thief. Name is Orlando Costas. A couple of domestic B 'n E's, but suspected of dozen more. He used to run with the Cazadores."

Kate frowned. "Cazadores?"

"Yeah, a violent street gang that deals in drugs, arms and larcerny," Ryan chipped in, walking up to the other two investigators. "But all of Orlando's priors were back when he was a teenager. He hasn't been arrested in years."

"Maybe he got back in the game," Esposito suggested. "It's not uncommon for former gang members to rejoin again."

Ryan shrugged, glancing at the file in his hands. "I don't know - he went a long way to clean up his act. Did four years active in the military and was discharged with honours last year. Spent his rotation as an MP in Germany."

"Sounds like he really did clean up his act," Esposito commented.

"Yeah, but if this guy went straight, then how did he end up dead in an alley?" Kate folded her arms, eyes on the vic's picture on the murder board. After a while, she turned back to her colleagues. "You check next of kin?"

Esposito nodded. "Yeah. Folks are dead, but we were able to track down a girlfriend - Marisol Cartagena. Officer Johnson is bringing her in now."

Kate nodded. "Okay, you guys run down his financials to see if you get anything and I'll talk to the girlfriend."

* * *

><p><em>How is she still alive? <em>

_She doesn't understand any of it anymore, so very tired of fighting this seemingly never-ending battle. It's like an abyss, pulling everything and everybody down its black hole._

_She wished that she could call him, could talk to him without dragging herself into everything she needed space from. But even more importantly - she didn't want to drag him into her darkness, she didn't want him to see her like this._

_See her lying on the floor of the cabin's bathroom after vomiting out the contents of her stomach because of the excruciating pain. She struggled to breath, to move, to keep her own heart beating. She couldn't let him fall into this - her hell and devastation and bitterness. He wouldn't want to stay after seeing her like this.  
><em>

_Would he?_

_She didn't want risk knowing that answer. What if he saw her for who she was? A rotting, tragic, decaying ghost of a human being. Surely, he wouldn't have the strength to love her through that, despite of that._

_Would he?_

_Kate pulled herself away from the toilet and gingerly sat up against the bathtub, hunching forward; arms curled around her legs and head pressed against her knee caps. She tried to breath through it, to find an anchor in order to steady her emotions, but it was no use as the one solitary sob followed the other, creating a heartbreaking melody. Her breaths became shorter, shallower intakes of air as she fought the image of herself being lowered into the ground to rot six feet under. _

_How is she still alive?_

_She lifted her head and tried to suck in more air, tears streaming down her face and her vision swimming. Unconsciously, her hand drifted to the scar in the center of her chest where the bullet had split her into two and almost shattered her heart. _

_Would he still lover her despite the shattered heart?_

* * *

><p>He was lying on the couch, well on his way to getting drunk before 5pm when his home phone rang. Rick decided to ignore it. Gina or whoever it was could kiss his-<p>

"Mr. Castle? " He startled at the sound of the smooth, familiar voice of the mysterious Mr. Smith; his insides clenched, his heart suddenly caught in a vice grip of anxiety. He shot up and scrambled off the couch, his glass of scotch landing on the floor as he rushed towards the phone.

"-call me back as soon as you get-"

Rick grabbed the phone and answered breathlessly. "I- I'm here. What is it?" He breathed out without preamble.

"Ah, good. We need to meet," the older man said. "There is something I need to give to you."

The writer frowned, his heart rate jumping with anxiety. "What?"

There was a beat of silence. "Something that will ensure Kate Beckett's safety."

* * *

><p>"Is this the car?" Kate asked as she approached the abandoned vehicle.<p>

"Yeah, we ran the plates - it's the girlfriend's," Esposito said, opening the door. "Blood smeared on the armrest. This is _definitely_ it."

"Only two blocks away from the alley," Ryan commented. He turned to look at the scene, his brow furrowed. "So, he was shot somewhere else and then came here. That doesn't make sense."

Esposito nodded as he searched under the driver's seat. "Yeah, why not go home? Why not get patched up?"

Kate crouched down to look inside. "Because he was meeting someone in that alleyway."

After a moment of searching, Esposito held up the vic's phone. "Got his phone. His last call was at 4:47 am just before he died."

Beckett nodded. "Run that number."

"On it."

"Hey, Beckett - gun. It's a .38." Ryan held up the gun and took a whiff of the barrel. "Recently fired."

"So, there was a shootout. That's how he got that shoulder wound," Kate theorised, her forehead creasing. "Which means wherever he came from, there might be another body."

"I know where he was coming from," Esposito cut in, his eyes widening in shock. "His last entry was 229 First Avenue."

Oh, god.

The breath whooshed out of her lungs, the world suddenly spinning.

Kate's lips parted on a gasp. "Montgomery's house."

* * *

><p>Rick waited by the large stone fountain like Smith instructed, trying to still his jittery hands. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, reverberating throughout his body. Something was seriously wrong if the mystery man wanted to see him face-to-face.<p>

Why are they meeting in the park anyway? At three in the afternoon no less. Just then, his phone vibrated in his pocket and he fumbled to get it out.

"Castle."

"Mr. Castle, do you see the silver Mercedes Benz on your left hand side?"

Rick swivelled around, his eyes frantically searching for the vehicle. "Yeah."

"Slowly walk over and get in. I don't want to do this outside in the open."

The writer hesitated for a moment, his brow furrowing. "How can I know that you can be trusted?"

The other man sighed. "What if I told you that I would give you the identity of the man responsible for Johanna Beckett's murder and your partner's shooting?"

Rick's eyes flew towards the car, his mouth falling open as he found the other's man's eyes. "Why-?"

"There's no time for questions. Are you interested or not?" Smith interrupted curtly. "Because I can assure you, that they're coming for her, Mr. Castle."

He nodded. "Okay." With that, he ended the call and briskly strode towards the car.

Towards Kate's safety.

* * *

><p><em>"Captain, we still have still have potential leads that could be followed," Esposito argued. All three of them were standing in the new captain's office - Victoria 'Iron' Gates. <em>

_She'd only been there a few weeks and had not made many friends yet. She was a cop from Internal Affairs, after all. _

_"The case is closed, Detectives," Gates said with authority, her eyes moving between Esposito and Ryan. "Now, I know how badly you want to get this guy. Your partner was shot and almost died - I get it, I really do. But frankly, you've made very little - if any - progress on this case. And everyday, new homicide cases come through that door that need to be solved."_

_Rick sighed and stepped closer, a hand combing through his hair. He had to clench his teeth not to lose his temper. _

_"With all due, respect, Captain Gates, but I have resources. I could-"_

_"Mr. Castle, you are not a detective," she snapped, her _her dark eyes pinning him with a withering glare_. "As far as I am concerned, you are not part of this team." _

_That felt like a blow to the gut. _

_"This precinct-" she pointed towards the bullpen. "-has no space for a dilettante writer playing cop. I think it's time that the City of New York is relieved of your services." __She turned around and sat down, her attention on the paperwork on her desk._

_"Please close the door on your way out, gentlemen."_

* * *

><p>God, what the hell was he supposed to do now?<p>

He reached for the glass of scotch, his hand shaking. Rick sat back and stared at the file in his lap, stared at the man's smiling face who was responsible for all of it. The Dragon was none other than New York's very own-

Senator William H. Bracken.

Holy shit, he had voted for the bastard in the previous election. He was nauseated by the thought. Rick threw back the drink, savouring the way the alcohol burned a long, almost cleansing path down his throat.

Before he could pour another drink, his phone rang with Kate Beckett's face lighting up the screen. For a moment, he contemplated not answering, but with everything that had happened in the space of a few hours, he just couldn't anymore.

She needed to be safe. He _needed_ her to be safe.

So, he picked up his phone and after taking a breath, answered:

"Castle."

Kate sucked in a breath. "You answered," she whispered hoarsely.

Rick frowned. Was she crying?

"Uh, yeah," he answered absently, more concerned about the dark, broken quality in her voice. "Kate, is everything okay?"

She was silent for a while, just breathing raggedly.

"Castle, they broke into Montgomery's house and stole some of his files," she said grimly.

He shot up out his seat.

"What if it's about my mom's case? What if-? Oh, god." She grunted, tears leaking into her voice. "Rick, I. . . I need your help."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thoughts?<strong>_


	6. Ceasefire

**Summary: The truth will set you free... Secrets are revealed, damage is done and relationships are tested to their limits.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them and never will. I'm only borrowing them for a while.**

* * *

><p><strong>Ceasefire<strong>

He stood there for a while, rooted to the spot, just watching her from behind the caged barrier in the bullpen. She was sitting at her desk, elbows on the table and her head in her hands. She looked small and fragile and was very clearly exhausted. His heart squeezed in his chest, air not quite filling his lungs at the sight.

He couldn't turn it off. Love wasn't a switch. Especially not the kind he was feeling.

Just when he was about to make his way to her, Esposito came up next to him. "So, when are you dropping out on us again?" The Hispanic detective turned hard, hostile eyes to the writer.

Rick sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. He expected this – of course they were going to treat him like the bad guy. They were protective of Beckett _and_ they didn't know the whole story.

"Look, Espo – things between Beckett and I are. . . _complicated_."

The other man snorted and shook his head, shifting his eyes back to the bullpen.

"You're so full of it, man."

Rick frowned, feeling his temper wavering. "You don't know the whole story, okay," he growled in a lowered tone.

"Oh, you don't need to explain, Castle. I think we all know what happened here - you got bored and you went in search of new inspiration."

Rick turned around to face the detective, anger thundering over his face. "Is that what you think?"

Esposito's spine straightened, his shoulders in a tense line. "What else am I supposed to think, man?" He stepped closer, his jaw clenching. "You drop off the face of the earth and Beckett comes in here looking like death warmed up."

Rick stared at him, the words dying in his throat. What is he supposed to say to that? _Kate ripped my heart out, but I still love her and can't stand to be near her._

Before he could reply, Ryan spotted them. The Irish detective waved and offered him a tentative smile. "Hey, Castle!"

At that, Kate immediately whipped around, her eyes frantically searching for her partner. When she spotted him, the tension seemed to seep out of her limbs as she slowly rose out of her seat. A hesitant smile hovered around the edges of her mouth, her expression hooded as if afraid to give too much away.

Very Beckett-like.

Rick let out a breath and made his way towards her, ignoring the Hispanic detective's eyes currently burning holes into his back. He nodded and offered Ryan a tilt of his lips. At least the other detective seemed more enthusiastic about seeing him.

Kate took a few quick steps towards him, her hands twitching at her sides. She had to stop herself from running to him and throwing herself into his arms.

Instead she offered him a muted curl of her mouth. "Hi."

He was guarding his emotions well, his face like Fort Knox. "Hi."

Kate took a step closer and twisted her hands together, a sign of nervousness and bit her lip. When she spoke, her voice was soft.

"Castle, I'm really glad that you're here. I've missed-"

"What have you got so far?" He cut her off brusquely, his eyes tripping away from her towards the murder board.

He didn't want to - _couldn't_ - hear that softly-spoken confession, her voice fragile and the words like a small, vulnerable bird struggling to fly. He didn't want to see the brittleness swimming around in her eyes, the grief carved out around the edges of her mouth, how her body suddenly looked so small. So instead, he averted her gaze and went to sit on the edge of the desk, folding his arms across his chest, his expression hard.

Giving nothing away.

Kate pursed her lips and ran a hand through her hair, seeing his behaviour for what it was - a defense mechanism. _Against_ her. The other two detectives joined them, opting to hang back at the periphery.

"Uh, well, it clearly has something to do with Montgomery and- ." She quickly swept her eyes over the bullpen to make sure no one else was listening, dropping her voice. "-what he was involved in with Raglan and McAllister."

His brow furrowed, eyes still tracking over the information on the murder board. "How can you be sure?" There was something in his tone - a sense of gravity that alerted her.

"Because his laptop and some of his files were stolen."

Rick sighed, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck. He shook his head, turning his worried eyes to her. "That doesn't mean it has something to do with your mother's case."

He hoped to God that it was only a coincidence. But experience has taught him that coincidences don't exist in a murder investigation.

"What else is could it be, man? Why would they come for his files?" Esposito spat out, his eyes still hot and harsh on the writer.

Rick stood from his sitting position on the desk, his attention falling onto the Hispanic detective. He narrowed his eyes, arms still crossed across his chest.

"I'm just saying that we can't be a hundred percent sure until we have something more concrete." He turned his head, his gaze on Captain Gates' office. "Besides, we don't want _her _on the trail of this case."

"He has a point," Ryan said, lifting his brow.

Esposito shook his head. "So, what do you suggest we do, huh?"

"Look into the victim. Maybe he had a relationship with Montgomery. Maybe Montgomery arrested him before. Who knows?"

"That's a long shot," Ryan commented.

The writer shrugged his shoulders. "Well, we just need to cover all of our bases."

"Castle's right," Kate said, faint hope flickering around in her chest. "We need to look into this possibility." If Montgomery and the victim's paths crossed in the past, then maybe she could believe that this had nothing to do with her mother's case.

Just maybe.

* * *

><p>The espresso machine hummed, steam billowing out of it as Castle made himself a cup of coffee. It was nearing 22h30 and he really needed the caffeine. They've been combing through every part of Montgomery's cases and Costas' history and couldn't find anything truly concrete. And with that, his hope was fading fast that this had nothing to with the conspiracy surrounding Johanna Beckett's murder. He sighed and dropped his head into his hand, rubbing his forehead, his eyes falling shut. If they could just-<p>

"Can I also have a cup?"

Rick's head shot up at the sound of her voice; a soft, low rumble. Kate was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over her chest. She was tired - that much was clear, but her features were more relaxed and there was faint glint back in her eyes.

"Uh, sure. Yeah." His eyes flickered back to the espresso machine, unwilling to look at how her mouth curved into a shy, muted smile. She was just so damn beautiful.

And he just couldn't turn it off - how he felt about her, how much he loved this woman who was currently watching him with gentle, tired eyes. Kate stepped closer, her heels clacking softly on the floor. The writer's hands fumbled with the cup in front of him due to her ever increasing proximity. The air was crackling with tension while they remained silent for what seemed like ages.

Kate bit her lip, giving another step closer to him, almost tempted to put a hand on his arm and let her fingers curl around his bicep. Instead, she ran that hand through her hair and watched his face closely. He was a such a handsome man - rugged and beautiful at the same time. It hit her then like a ton of bricks.

She loved him.

That realisation rushed through her veins, pulsing and intense. It burned around her heart, squeezing the emotion throughout her body. She needed to do or say some-

"Here you are," Rick said, holding a cup of coffee out to her, his eyes finally meeting hers.

But Kate ignored the offered cup of coffee, intent on voicing what she felt. "Castle, I'm sorry for what I did. It was-"

At that his gaze immediately fell away, trying to shutter away any trace of emotion. However, he couldn't keep the pain from manifesting itself in the twitch of his mouth, the sense of betrayal from showing itself in the furrow of his brow, the agony from bleeding into the blue of his eyes.

"I didn't add sugar," he said inanely, his voice low and gruff.

She pursed her lips and kept her eyes on him. "Just. . . let me explain. Please."

He was still not looking at her, but at her last words, something akin to hurt flickered across his face. He carefully put down the cup of coffee on the table in front of her.

"Be careful, it's hot. You should probably add more milk," he all but whispered, swallowing thickly.

She let out a pained whimper and launched herself into him, her mouth violently clashing against his, her hands on his face. Kate wrapped herself around him and slanted her lips over his in a desperate and frenzied kiss. For a moment, Rick was stock still and shocked, his arms hanging limply at his sides. He was finally spurred into action when her tongue broke the seal of his lips and darted into his mouth, hot and wet.

He groaned and wrapped his arms around her waist, walling her to his chest; their bodies merging in the embrace. He gave as good as he got, a little aggressive, even a little angry as his lips danced against hers, his tongue stroking alongside hers, teeth clashing, biting; letting the current of heat and passion sweep them into oblivion.

A blissful abyss where conspiracies and murder and betrayal did not exist. Just them.

It was a ringing phone that brought them crashing back to reality. Dazedly, they extracted themselves from each other. Rick fumbled his phone out of his pocket, shooting Kate an apologetic look. His brow furrowed in worry when he saw his daughter's face flashing on the screen.

"Alexis?"

"Dad! Where are you? Are you okay?" His daughter answered, slightly panicked.

"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, we're fine. Grams said she didn't know where you were so I texted and called you, but you didn't return any of them, Dad. You scared us."

He sighed and rubbed his hand across his forehead. He felt like an ass. "I'm sorry, pumpkin. I'm at the precinct and we got busy. I'm really sorry. I'm fine, I promise."

"You're at the precinct?" The young woman asked, her voice low.

"Uh, yeah."

"Why? I thought Grams said that you were done, Dad," Alexis spat out bitterly, her voice rising. "What are you doing back there?"

Rick briefly closed his eyes, still aware of Kate's presence only a few steps away from him. "Alexis, it's complicated," he replied, lowering his voice.

"Yeah, it always is when it comes to _her_." Before he could reply, the line was dead. He let out a long, slow exhale and pocketed his phone, finally turning his attention back to his detective.

She was watching with a soft expression, her mouth being drawn into a delicate smile.

"Is she okay?"

He gave her a lopsided grin. "Yeah, but I may not be. I'm kind of in the dog box."

The upturn of her lips slowly faded. "Because you're here. . . with me. _Because_ of me."

"Kate-"

She shook her head and waved him off. "Castle, go home to your daughter. It's late."

His stomach dropped, panic clawing at his guts. He averted her eyes, his shoulders slumping in disappointment.

"Yeah, okay," he muttered with a nod.

She quickly stepped closer to him, sliding her hands up his chest, ducking her head to try to catch his eyes.

"Rick, we will talk tomorrow, okay?" She caught his gaze, her eyes shining with intensity and a gritty determination. "Okay? It's a promise." To emphasize her declaration, Kate twirled her pinkie around his, causing the writer to smile softly.

He lifted his gaze back to her, his blue eyes coming alive with hope. "Okay. . . okay. Pinkie promise," he rumbled, his other hand finding her waist. "We're not ignoring this."

She gave him a lopsided grin, a mixture of relief and subdued joy. "No, we're not. I don't think we can, Castle. How can anyone ignore a kiss like _that_?"

He grinned at that, his lips parting slowly. "Yeah." His expression sobered. "There's still a lot we need to talk about, Kate."

She nodded. "I know and we will. After we handle this case." She touched his face, her fingers sliding over his jaw, the stubble scratching the skin of her fingers. Kate leaned in and brushed a kiss against his mouth, a dainty, feathery touch of her lips.

"Castle, go home."

Rick nodded, his mouth curling. "You should go home and get some rest too." He darted in for another quick kiss, still in disbelief that he was kissing Kate Beckett. "Good night, Detective," he murmured against her mouth before finally letting her go.

She watched him walk away from her and then pause at the break room door. She smiled, her lips parting into a work of art.

"Until tomorrow, Rick."

He softly chuckled at that before disappearing from view. Kate leaned back against the counter and tipped her head back, the smile still on her lips, completely stunned at how the situation has changed.

Like a phoenix rising out of the ashes.

* * *

><p>It was a dream.<p>

It _had_ to be. A terrible, cruel dream that will haunt him when he wakes up. How did that happen? How did things change so fast? He was speechless, absolutely stunned. In a good way, of course. Another smile stretched across his lips, unable to hold down all of the joy bubbling up from inside his chest. He wasn't even aware that he was taking the long road home or that a black SUV had been trailing him for the last fifteen minutes.

All he could think about was Kate's soft, beautiful mouth and how she tasted; how warm and pliable her body was; the sweet scent of her skin. God, he loved her. He loved he so _much. _

But first things first: they need to solve this case. Rick spotted a cab and came to a stop at the curb. He was about to put out his hand when he felt a presence at his back. But before he could turn around to look, everything suddenly became blurry and then faded into black darkness.

* * *

><p>"Bracken," the senator answered, sitting down in his desk chair, a glass of scotch in his other hand while the city lights flickering outside in the black night sky.<p>

"Sir, we have the writer."

Bracken let out a sigh and he sank back into the soft leather of the chair, his mouth lifting into a closed-lipped smile.

"Good. Do you have the files yet?"

"No, we're waiting for him to wake up to tell us where he hid them."

The senator nodded. "Okay. Between Smith and Castle, we're bound to get those files. I don't think a mystery novelist is going last very long in your capable hands, Mr. Maddox."

The other man chuckled lowly. "We'll have the files soon, Sir. It's just a matter of time. Is the plan then to still go after Beckett after we get those files?"

"Yes. I want this mess cleared as soon as possible." He let out a breath and turned his chair around to look at the city lights. "And Kate Beckett six feet under."

"What about Castle? He's quite well-known, Sir. What do we do with him?"

Bracken took a moment to formulate a response. It could be a problem, but:

"If she wants to take the writer with her, then so be it. Romeo and Juliet could share a grave."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thoughts?<strong>_


	7. Cross Hairs

**Summary: The truth will set you free... Secrets are revealed, damage is done and relationships are tested to their limits.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them and never will. I'm only borrowing them for a while.**

* * *

><p><strong>Cross Hairs<strong>

He was trying to hold onto the feeling of her lips on his, the ghost of her body pressed up against his, the galloping of her heart rate under his fingers on her pulse point. The low, soft moan that ran up her throat, escaping her mouth in a-

Rick was jerked back into consciousness when heavy footsteps crossed somewhere outside of the room he was held in. He managed to crack open one eye - the other one swollen shut - and squinted against the bright light scorching his pupils. He could feel the vibrations of his heartbeat against the inside of his skull, reverberating throughout his whole body.

Everything hurt.

He grunted as he pulled on the restraints around his torso, slowly becoming aware of his body's injuries. His wrists were burning, the rope painfully cutting into his skin and slicing through the tissue. He tried to lift his head, feeling heavy and drowsy. He struggled to suck oxygen into his lungs, the air in the concrete prison damp and clogged with an unpleasant odor.

Rick managed to cock his head to the side to scan around the cold, badly lit room; there was another wooden chair a few feet away on his left side. Ropes - similar to those snaked around his body - were pooled on the ground. There was blood on the chair and on the area surrounding it. The writer groaned and tipped his head back, sweeping his tongue along his chaffed lips. The last thing he remembered was standing on the curb of a sidewalk, waving for a cab.

And then everything went black.

There was a loud crack and a squeak as the hefty, rusty iron door slowly swung open. Rick swayed his head towards the sound, the blood rushing in his ears. Two men shuffled through the entrance, carrying between them the unconscious form of a badly beaten Mr. Smith. His head was lolling to one side, his face a mangled mess of blood, bruises and scarred skin. Blood seemed to be gushing out of every orifice on his face, making a sluggish, thick descent down to the ground; droplets were left like a trail as they moved him to the adjacent wooden chair.

"Ah, Mr. Castle, you're finally awake."

Rick whipped his attention back to the door where a smirking Maddox was standing, wiping his hands off against each other.

"Maddox," Rick breathed, his voice a low growl; the single word scraping against his throat.

The other man's lips curled, revealing a twisted grin. "The one and only. Now, Mr. Smith over there-" He gestured towards the unconscious man with a jerk of his head. "-was a little reluctant at first to cooperate, but we've managed to. . ." He lifted his shoulders. "_convince_ him." The assassin stepped closer to Rick, his features growing hard.

"And he told us - at long last - that the file was given to _you._"

Rick swallowed thickly, tasting the iron tang of the blood in his mouth. "Is that so?"

"Yes and we would like to know where that file is." Maddox bent down, hands on knees, putting his face in the writer's line of sight. "So, are going to cooperate with us, Mr. Castle?" He straightened and folded his arms, the smirk back on his mouth. Maddox ran his eyes over Smith's unconscious form.

"Or do you want to end up like him?"

* * *

><p>Kate checked her watch again - 09:42. She scanned the bullpen, her eyes automatically moving towards the elevator doors once more. He still wasn't here. Which was strange because of what happened last night. They kissed and now he wasn't-<p>

"Detective Beckett?"

Kate startled at the sound of the familiar voice. She whipped around to look at Alexis, the girl's features creased in concern. The detective stood up and approached the girl, her own brow drawing her forehead into a deep line.

"Alexis, is everything alright?"

The young red-head wrung her hands together, her blue eyes wide and pleading. "Where's my dad? H-he never came home last night."

Kate's heart rate spiked, the blood blasting through her veins. "What do you mean? He left here late to go home. Did you call him?"

"Of course I did - about ten times. And my dad _always_ answers when I call him."

Kate swallowed, her throat feeling like a desert. She ran a hand through her hair, dropping her eyes. "Okay, okay. Alexis, I need you to go home."

"No, I'm not going-"

"-L.T., I need to take Castle's daughter home." She gestured to the officer standing nearby, beckoning him closer.

Alexis started to voice her protests, but Kate firmly took hold of her arm and walked towards the uniform. "Alexis, I need you to go home and wait there in case your dad comes back." Kate paused, pursing her lips and sweeping her tongue over them. "Or if someone calls with information."

The young woman shook her head, her eyes growing wide. "What are you saying? Do you think someone took him-?"

"Alexis, we don't know anything yet and that's why I need you to go home. _Now._" Kate emphasized her words by brushing a hand down the girl's arm, taking her hand and squeezing her fingers around Alexis'. Her eyes shifted to the officer just past the teenager's shoulder.

"Go with Officer Johnson. He'll make sure you'll get home safely." Just then, Ryan and Esposito spotted them and walked closer, their faces portraits of confusion and concern.

Alexis watched her intently, her blue eyes swelling with tears. "Find my Dad, Kate. Please, he's all I have," she whispered, her voice soft, cracking under the weight of emotion. With that, she was led away by the officer, wiping at her eyes as they went.

"Hey, what's going on?" Ryan inquired.

Kate sighed and darted a hand through her hair, her eyes falling closed for a moment, her whole world spinning on its axis.

Her worst dream was coming true.

"Beckett, what's wrong?" The Hispanic detective added, his voice sharp, cutting through the silence.

She looked at them, her eyes frantically moving between them, fear being conceived in her irises.

"Castle never made it home last night."

* * *

><p>"So, Mr. Castle, are you ready to talk to us?" Maddox crouched in front a heaving Rick, blood trickling steadily out of his mouth and nose. He got another beating for refusing to cooperate.<p>

Rick managed to lift his head, trying to focus his attention on the hardened face swimming in front of him. "Go to hell," he muttered, the words barely escaping his battered mouth.

The other man raised his lips into a grin. "Seems you're already there." He stood up and grabbed the writer's chin, yanking it upward, pressing his cheeks inward with a few of his fingers. Rick clenched his jaw, wincing in pain, but refused to vocalise it.

"It doesn't matter whether you talk to us or not, we will find that file - _eventually._"

For the first time, Castle believed him, but luckily, he made copies. He just needed a few hours for one copy to arrive at the 12th.

* * *

><p>"Ryan, are you getting anything on Castle's phone?" Kate was pacing the board room, chewing on her thumb nail, her face a gathering storm.<p>

The detective shook his head in frustration. "No, nothing. It's probably turned off."

"Shit," Kate muttered, her eyes falling closed. "Okay, okay. Keep checking if you can figure something out. Someone had to have seen _something_."

"Yo, we just got CCTV-footage from the precinct and the blocks surrounding it," Esposito announced, rushing into the room, holding up the DVD-covers.

Kate breathed a sigh of relief; this might be the break they so desperately needed.

"This should give us a visual on Castle."

"Hope to God you're right, Beckett," Esposito murmured, slotting the surveillance disc into the DVD-player.

She crossed her arms across her torso, her hands clinging onto her biceps. "Me too."

Just then, the captain ducked into the board room. "Beckett, you have anything on Castle?"

She bit her lip, shaking her head. "No, not yet, Sir."

Gates pursed her lips, lifting a hand to her forehead, dragging two fingers across the groove growing there.

"Alright, keep me posted."

"Will do, Captain," Beckett replied. With that, the captain retreated to her office, her face drawn in concern.

She dropped down into a chair, scrubbing her hands over her face, massaging her temples. After a moment, she lifted her head and nodded towards her partners.

"Play it."

* * *

><p>He was lying on his side, his vision swimming, the blood rushing in his ears. His right cheekbone was surely broken, he could feel it throbbing; warm and swollen. His shoulder was almost certainly dislocated when he tumbled over and crushed to the floor. A few fingers were also broken on his right hand. Not to mention his nose.<p>

"Mr. Castle, we could do this all day long. However, I'm not sure you're going to have bones left to break when the sun sets." Maddox crouched, tilting his head to look at the writer. His two co-workers stood in the background, breathing heavily while they recovered from dishing out their latest beating.

"Or maybe we should try a different tactic," he said, the picture of cool, calm and collected. He yanked the writer upwards, causing Rick to yelp in pain. With the help of one of his colleagues, they hauled the writer onto the chair, his head lolling from side to side.

Maddox pulled Rick's head up, his hand gripping the writer's hair tightly. "How about we make this interesting, huh?" Rick tried to meet the sniper's eyes, his own eyes clouding wit the vestiges of unconsciousness.

"How about we bring Alexis into the equation? Would that change your mind?"

Rick jolted in the chair, his eyes growing wide. "No, leave her alone," he grunted out desperately, the words grating against his lips. "Leave my daughter out of it." Maddox released Castle's hair, standing up and crossed his arms.

"Only when you agree to tell me where that file is."

Rick dropped his head, on the threshold of tears. After a long moment, he finally exhaled and lifted head, meeting the killer's eyes, his own red and watery.

"Okay. Okay, fine. I'll tell you where it is."

He hoped to everything that was divine and holy that the copy had arrived at the 12th by now.

Otherwise, _everyone _- including his family - was in danger.

* * *

><p>It was nearing five pm and they still had no idea where Castle could be. They had footage of him leaving the 12th and a few frames of him walking northward, en route to his loft. Other than that, they had nothing. Kate let her head fall into her waiting hands, kneading her temples, her head pounding with a headache. Her nerves were raw, scraped down to the bone. She was volleying between panic, anger and helplessness. The only mantra running through her head was:<p>

_What if? What if? What if?_

She pushed out of her chair, heading towards the break room for another coffee. Or tea. Castle should be the one making or buying her coffee.

"Detective Beckett?"

Kate was pulled out of her own thoughts, turning around when the officer called her name. "Yeah?"

The rookie hesitantly glanced at the big, manila folder in his hands. "Uh, this came for Mr. Castle."

She almost fell over feet to get to the officer, her mouth going dry and her heart thumping against the confines of her chest. "Give it to me," she ordered urgently, her hands outstretched in desperate supplication. Once she had it in her hands, she marched to her desk, hands fumbling to open the folder and pull out the documents inside.

"Guys, we have something," she called out, her eyes on the envelope. The two partners quickly emerged from the board room.

"What is it?" Esposito questioned.

Kate shook her head, her brow creasing in uncertainty. "I-I'm not sure." She glanced towards them. "But it's a police file."

Ryan frowned and briefly shifted his gaze to Esposito. "What would Castle want with a police file?"

Beckett started to shrug as flipped through the first page, but when she saw the contents, she blanched; the colour running from her face.

"Oh, god."

"What?" Esposito inquired, stepping closer.

She flicked her eyes to them, her mouth falling open, her throat working as she swallowed.

"It's about my mom's murder."

* * *

><p>"Sir, what do we do with the writer? We have the file in our possession and destroyed the copy. Should we take care of him?"<p>

William Bracken let out a sigh of relief, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment. "No, wait." The senator paused, switching the phone to his other ear. "Tell me first how much he knows?"

Maddox hesitated to answer. "I'm not sure, senator, but it is plausible that he is aware of everything."

Bracken grunted in frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose. What does he do now? Kill a high profile writer? Or make a deal to ensure that he doesn't spill his guts?

So to speak.

Finally, the senator lifted his head, exhaling slowly. "Alright, here's what we do - you make it very clear to Mr. Castle what exactly is at stake. I will take his family, I will take everything thing from him if he talks."

"Sir, do you think that is wise?"

Bracken frowned, his mouth pulling into a tight line. He didn't like being questioned. "Killing him is much too risky. Do you think that bitch cop is going to stop if we kill him? Or if he just disappeared? We have the file, so we have leverage. If he makes one move, if he opens his mouth - it's over. We'll take out his whole family - paying special attention to his daughter. Make sure he grasps that."

"Okay, sir, I'll make sure he understands the terms of the agreement. What about Beckett?"

He dropped down in his seat, spinning around to look at the window. He ran his fingers over the soft, cool leather, massaging the edge of the arm chair. "Leave her for now. If Mr. Castle agrees to our deal, there shouldn't be the need to take care of her right away. However, if they break the agreement, we'll handle it. For now, though, I have an election to win."

* * *

><p>"Hey, man, you okay?"<p>

He registered the smell of urine and garbage and human filth, but could only see darkness. There was a bag over his head, his were arms still tied behind his back. Maddox and his cohorts came into the concrete prison an hour ago and hauled him off the chair, putting a black bag over his head and dragging him out of the room. The unconscious Mr. Smith was left there - presumably to be taken care of later.

"Mister, can you hear me?" Suddenly, the bag was yanked off his head, light dawning over his face. A bearded, dirty and ragged homeless man was staring back at him in concern. Rick shot up, grimacing in pain; his chest heaved with the effort of just trying to work through the pain.

"Take it easy, brother," the homeless man chided, jerking away on unsteady legs.

Rick glanced around frantically, his eyes badly swollen. He managed to spot the back entrance of a convenience store and tried to stagger to his feet, struggling with the constraints around his arms. He swung his head back to the homeless man.

"G-get help," he managed to shove out of his mouth, his mouth feeling like a desert. He stumbled into the wall, his shoulder hitting the bricks hard, his knees wobbling. He slowly slid down the wall, his body giving up the fight.

"Please, help me."

* * *

><p>Kate paged through the file again, reading the reports and taking in the details. She glanced at the door again, making sure that Gates didn't surprise her. It had to be connected to Castle's disappearance in some way. There had to be some sort of-<p>

"Beckett?!"

She shot up, her limbs injected with adrenaline as she dashed out of the conference room. Ryan was rushing towards her, his eyes wide, his brow furrowed. They had something.

_Please, god, just not his lifeless body._

She stood rooted to the spot, feeling the vibrations of her heart beat shouting throughout her body. She was too scared to ask, too scared of the answer she might get. If Castle was gone, she wouldn't survive-

"They found Castle - he's alive." She felt her knees buckle with relief and grabbed onto the edge of her desk, clinging on for dear life. Kate lifted a shaky hand to her forehead, trying to conceal her turbulent emotions; tears of pure joy started to pool in her eyes.

Ryan threw on his jacket, turning back to look at her.

"Beckett, let's go. He's at Bellevue."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thoughts?<em>**


	8. Raid

** Summary: The truth will set you free... Secrets are revealed, damage is done and relationships are tested to their limits.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them and never will. I'm only borrowing them for a while.**

* * *

><p><strong>Raid<strong>

Senator William H. Bracken.

_Shit._

Kate scanned the file again for probably the hundredth time, her mother's lifeless face haunting every page. Her hands instinctively tightened around the document, her jaw clenching as the hot rush of anger sung through her veins. Her mother was dead - gone - because of _him_.

They had him, the son of a bitch.

She finally had him and she wasn't gonna let go. No one, not even her partners, her brothers in arms were going to stop her from getting justice. Which was exactly what Ryan was desperately trying to do right now, his blue eyes pleading with her to see reason. Even the ever-loyal Esposito looked concerned.

"Beckett, we can't _just_ go after this guy."

She stood up and holstered her gun, face drawn into hardness.

"Watch me."

She flicked her eyes back to them, her gaze cool and guarded; her whole demeanor like a caged animal ready to go on a rampage.

"Guys, you don't have to help me. Hell, I'd prefer not dragging you into this. If you do - great. If you don't, that's fine too. Either way, I'm taking this son of a bitch down. Starting today."

She turned around and lifted her right foot to a chair in order to holster her extra piece. But before she could, Esposito snatched her arm in a bruising grip.

"Beckett, this isn't the way to do this." His jaw was set, his mouth stitched into a tight line, his dark eyes watching solemnly. "It's too risky and you know it. There's just too much at stake here."

When he saw the stubborn resolve seeping into her posture, saw that she wasn't about to budge, he decided to change gears and play dirty.

"Kate, what if this hurt someone else? Someone else you cared about? Someone else you loved?"

He meant Castle, of course. Who was still hauled up in a hospital bed, broken and fragile. On top of that, he was now also nurturing a shattered heart.

He wasn't the only one.

That socked her in the gut. She sucked in a breath and dropped her eyes, slowly removing her arm from his grip.

"I won't do anything stupid," Kate ground out, her voice like a fragile bird struggling to take off. "I just want to look him in the eye and hear it from him. He owes me that at least."

Ryan stepped closer, his features bathed in sympathy. "Beckett, he probably won't give you anything. Please. . . just give it time. Give _us_ time to help you figure something out."

"Why? So that he can get away with it. _Again."_ She shook her head and clenched her jaw. "I don't think so."

Ryan glanced at his partner who gave him a perceptible nod.

Time to bring out the big guns.

"We'll go to Gates if we have to," the detective said quietly and decisively, not backing down.

Kate worked her jaw, her forehead drawn down into a deep line of unhappiness. She was vibrating with aggressive energy, with frustration. She wanted to take the bastard down who had been behind her worst nightmare. But that was the problem, wasn't it? She had to take her time, be patient. Like a cobra in the long grass just waiting for its opportunity to strike.

It didn't mean that she couldn't rattle his cage a bit. She just needed the boys to back off a for a while.

There was a long, tense silence that engulfed them before Kate eventually sighed and slumped down into a nearby chair in defeat. Kate lifted a hand to her head, dragging it across her creased forehead, her tense brow.

"Okay, fine," she muttered, her voice scraping by the words.

At long last, she rose again, determination firing through her posture. She watched them with sharp, dark eyes.

"But when the day comes - and it will - _I_ get to be the one to put a bullet through his skull."

* * *

><p>48 hours earlier<p>

_She was frozen to the spot, her heart thrashing wildly like a deer caught in a hunter's trap. He was alive, badly beaten and bruised, but alive. The boys were already inside and greeting Castle with broad, relieved smiles and sturdy handshakes. She, however, stayed rooted as if her feet were glued to the floor._

_He was alive._

_Without warning, her eyes flooded with tears, her vision becoming blurry. She could feel the burning sensation running down her throat, how the walls started to close-_

_"Kate?"_

_His broken, battered voice drew her back to the present. She lifted her eyes to to meet his concerned gaze and almost laughed at the irony. Instead, she offered a shaky smile and got her feet moving towards the writer. The boys retreated to the edges of the room, trying their best to be invisible._

_"Castle, hey," she breathed, feeling her chest constrict under the weight of turbulent emotions._

_He looked like hell._

_His mouth twitched, but he was unable to greet her with a fully-fledged smile; the side of his face feeling stiff and swollen. His cheek was smarting, sensitive to any movement or the slightest touch. Both his eyes were sporting impressive, badly swollen shiners that were already turning purple. He also only had one hand to work with, given the fact that they broke all five fingers on his right hand. Luckily, though, they had him on some good drugs so that he didn't have to feel too much discomfort._

_He lifted his left hand and wriggled his fingers, beckoning her to come closer. Kate hesitated a moment before reaching out and folding her fingers around his. She skimmed her thumb over the back of his hand, her skin kissing his in a light caress. Kate bit her lip and swayed closer, feeling the urge to lean down and-_

_Someone cleared their throat._

_"We'll, uh, be outside," Esposito said, lifting his eyebrows, his eyes regarding them fondly, knowingly._

_Ryan nodded. "Yeah, so, if you need anything. . . just you know, we'll be right out there," he added awkwardly before the two hurried out of the room._

_Kate tipped her head up and let out a single, light note of amusement, relief and joy weaving themselves into the sound of her voice. Rick squeezed her hand, his heart ramming against his rib cage. She flicked her gaze back to him, her mouth still suspended in a smile._

_God, he wanted her. He wanted, needed her to be nearer._

_"Kate." Tears were filling his eyes, his mouth pulled into a tight line. "Please," he grunted brokenly, single droplets escaping over his cheeks._

_She immediately came closer, carefully wrapping her arms around his neck, letting him crush her to his body. Something came undone in her as she breathed him in, feeling his heart thumping rhythmically underneath the skin of his pulse point._

_He was alive, but it could have been so very different._

_"Rick, god, I'm so glad you're okay," she murmured, her voice soft and brittle in his ear. She pulled back slightly to look at him, dragging her fingers through the soft hairs at his temple, her thumb skirting the edges of his bruised eye socket._

_"Don't ever do that to me again."_

_He managed a fragile, lopsided upturn of his lips. "Can't promise anything."_

_Her brow furrowed slightly. "Promise me anyway, Castle."_

_He bobbed his head once, working his jaw. "Okay, I promise," he said, the words breaking against the walls of his throat. She leaned down and grazed his cheek in a feathery kiss, migrating her lips up to his ear._

_"I won't survive if I lose you, Castle. . ." Her lips journeyed over his battered cheek, scratching over his two day-old stubble, to float just above his mouth. Her eyes, however, stayed on his; the green of her irises engulfed in flames of intensity._

_"I love you," she murmured, her words skirting the entrance of his mouth._

_He sucked in a breath, his left hand flexing where it resting on her hip. After a moment, his mouth curved upward, the corners lifting to reveal a morsel of the beaming, hopeful smile that was threatening._

_"Yeah?"_

_Her mouth softened into a little grin, huffing out a laugh. "Yes, Rick, I do."_

_The writer leaped forward and crushed his mouth onto hers. His left hand shot up to palm her cheek before he moved it over the sharp angle of her jaw, down to cradle her column of her throat, his fingers dancing along her fluttering pulse point._

_"I love you too. So much, Kate."_

_"I know." She pressed her mouth against his again, again and again. "I know."_

* * *

><p>"Dad?"<p>

Rick turned his head at the sound of his daughter's voice. He shifted upward, wincing slightly at the uncomfortable pull along his ribs. Alexis hovered at the door, wringing her hands together and offering a tremulous smile.

"Hey, Pumpkin," he rasped, his throat scratchy.

She meandered closer, standing hesitantly at his bed. "How are you feeling?"

He attempted to smile, his cheeks still stiff and sensitive. "Better. Less like a train drove over me. Today, it only feels like a bus hit me."

She huffed a laugh and rolled her eyes. A little too much like Beckett.

"Good to know." She pursed her lips, her eyes darting over the room, unable to look at him directly. Rick sensed her hesitance and cocked his head, his brow pulling into a frown.

"Alexis? What's wrong?"

She exhaled and found his eyes again, her eyes suddenly shimmering. "Just. . . I expect you to be gone every time I come here," she all but whispered, her eyes falling away from his gaze.

Rick frowned, reaching out a hand to touch her arm. "Honey, I'm right here. I'll always be with you-"

"No!" She burst out, jerking her arm out of his grip; her blue eyes bright and severe with passion. "You can't promise me something like that, Dad. You _know_ you can't. So, please, just don't."

Rick stared at her for a moment, his heart crashing against his ribs. After a moment, he bowed his head, scrubbing his left hand over his face as if to remove the guilt he was feeling.

"You're right," he muttered shakily, lifting his head. "You are absolutely right and I. . . I'm sorry."

The fight seemed to flow out of her as she sagged down into the nearby chair. She kept her eyes on him, concerned and fearful.

"Dad, you can't shadow Beckett anymore. _Please._ It's too-"

"Don't worry, I'm - _we're_ - done," he interrupted softly, the words barely escaping his lips. "For good."

"Oh." Her eyes widened slightly. "What happened?"

Castle slowly blew out a breath and tipped his head backwards, his eyes tracking the ceiling.

"It's a long story."

* * *

><p><em>She stroked her hand up and down his arm, over and over again; her fingers dancing a ballet across his skin. She was carefully tucked against him on the hospital bed, his head cradled on her shoulder. Kate feathered her lips over his temple, kisses blossoming over his mottled, discoloured skin.<em>

_"I'm sorry," she murmured suddenly, breaking the silence._

_His eyes popped open, his mind feeling foggy from the medication. "Why?"_

_She pursed her lips against his skin. "For getting you involved in this. If it wasn't for me-"_

_"No," he grunted and twisted around, immediately wincing at the stab of pain in his mid-section._

_Kate steadied him, her hands curled around his shoulders. "Castle, be careful-"_

_"This wasn't your fault, Kate," he scraped out, his voice scratchy. Beads of sweat were trickling down his temple to his jaw, but despite the obvious pain, he pinned her with electric blue eyes._

_"It was mine."_

_She frowned, her mouth falling open in question._

_"What are you talking about?"_

_He dropped his eyes from hers, easing back onto the bed, his heart ricocheting around in his chest. Finally, after taking a deep breath, he lifted his eyes to her again; clouded and dark._

_"Before Montgomery went into that hangar, he sent a package to someone - someone he trusted. It contained information damaging to the person behind everything." She was still watching him with a perplexed expression, her mouth stitched in a severe line._

_He swallowed and continued, his voice like gravel._

_"Montgomery was trying to protect you, but the package didn't arrive until after you were shot. Montgomery's friend struck a deal with them - if they left you alone, that package and the information in it, would never see the light of day." He went his lips and sighed. "But they made one condition - you had to back off the case. And that's the reason you're alive, Kate. Because you stopped."_

_"How do you know all this?" _

_Her forehead was drawn together, her eyes glittering with intensity. Kate__ moved further away from him, her body gravitating to the edge of the bed. He wanted to snatch her, prevent her from leaving, keep her safe. _

_But the bubble was about to burst._

_He briefly closed his eyes, preparing himself, knowing that he was about to give the death blow to. . ._ them._ It felt like his heart was ripping apart, his throat burning as he forced the words out of his mouth._

_"In order for the deal to work, someone had to make sure that you weren't pursuing this."_

_Her face twisted, a spring of tears coming alive in her eyes and she moved off the bed._

_"Are you a part of this?" She whispered, already knowing the answer._

_"I was just trying to keep you safe."_

_Her world crumbled._

* * *

><p>Kate stared at the campaign photo again, her eyes slowly, carefully tracking over the smug, smiling face of the senator. He looked normal man, like a typical politician. He wasn't a monster, at least he didn't look like an evil archetype out of a children's book.<p>

But he had been the architect of her worst nightmares.

Her phone buzzed with a voice mail - probably another one from Castle. She got about about ten voice mails and fifteen unanswered texts from the writer in the last day or so. But this was one from Ryan.

And he sounded frantic.

_"Beckett, where are you? What's going on? For god's sake, please don't do something stupid," _he sighed heavily. _"Kate, just let us know that you're alright."_

She dropped the phone away from her ear and pressed the end button. She stared at the device in her hand for a while, her lip held hostage between her teeth. Finally, Kate lifted herself from the seat and threw on a jacket, pocketing her phone and grabbing her keys.

This was it.

Time to face her demons.

Alone.

* * *

><p><em>The room was deathly quiet. It was like the aftermath of a terrible storm, the stench of destruction filling the air. The debris of their partnership flung around, swirling like ashes in the wind.<em>

_They wouldn't recover this._

_Kate was standing before the window, arms wrapped around her middle, hands cradling her ribs. Rick kept his eyes on her, waiting for any reaction, any sign of hope. He shifted his body towards her and softly cleared his throat._

_"Kate?"_

_Nothing._

_She was as still as a marble statue; untouchable and unreachable as the pale moonlight conquered one half of her face. Finally, she slowly turned around, her face like a mask made of stone. A sense of dread swamped him as he watched her emotionless expression. Slowly and painfully he swung his legs off the bed; Kate didn't try to stop him._

_"Kate, please, just say-" He was half off the bed before she stepped forward, her face giving life to anger._

_"You betrayed me," she growled, her voice like a sharp edge. Rick dropped his head and dragged a hand through his disheveled hair. This isn't what was suppose to happen. After a few moments, he lifted his eyes back to her, stubbornly setting his jaw._

_"No, I protected you."_

_Her eyes flashed at that, her whole body stiffening. "Protected me? Is that what you call_ this_?_"_ She gestured towards his battered form. "You lied to me about the most important thing in my life, Rick."_

_"That lie kept you alive," he countered._

_"Yeah? So, what now?" She stepped closer, her brow drawn into a deep frown. "We have the file and we know who the son of a bitch is."_

_"What are you going to do?"_

_"I'm going to take him down."_

_He sagged back onto the bed, his face pale; the fight escaping out of his body. "Kate, just listen to me-"_

_Fury thundered over her face, her eyes sparking with anger. "Listen to_ you_? How can I trust_ anything_ that you say?"_

_He jerked upright, his body tensing. "_How can you-? _Because of everything we've been through together!" He bellowed, his face blanching, sweat droplets slowly running down his face. He breathed harshly, one arm curled around his stomach, trying to cover his injuries._

_He could see her face softening into sympathy and she even gave a step forward. He didn't want that, he wanted to say his piece._

_"Four years! Four years just waiting for you to open your eyes and see that I'm right here," he panted, his eyes starkly blue against the pasty, bruised skin of his face._

_"And I'm more than a partner, Kate." He was breathing hard, every inhalation and exhalation rattling his battered body. He worked his jaw for a moment, swallowing past the sudden lump in his throat._

_"Every morning, I bring you a cup of coffee just so I can see a smile on your face because I think you are the most remarkable, challenging, maddening, frustrating person I've ever met." He wet his lips, his eyes filling with tears. "And I love you, Kate. If that means anything to you, if you care about me at all - just don't do this. Please."_

_She dropped her head, her eyes falling shut for a moment. This was an impossible choice. He was here, right in front of her: alive, beautifully alive and in love with her. But what about everything she had worked for, what about justice for her mother? What about Bracken going unpunished?_

_Kate found his eyes again, her own red-rimmed. "I_ have_ to do this. I have to end this."_

_His battered face contorted with a scream of panic as he reached out to her on unsteady legs. _

_"No, you don't. You don't have to do this alone. Kate, please, let me help help you. Tell me how to help you."_

_She only stared at him, her face like a blank canvass. _

_"Don't come back," she said softly, her voice like a bleak, cold winter's day. Without another word, she turned around and walked out the room._

_Out of his life._

* * *

><p>"Richard, dear, how are you feeling?" Martha fluttered around her son like a mother hen, concerned and overly attentive.<p>

The writer attempted to give his mother a lopsided smile, but it came out like a grimace. They had just arrived back at the loft from the hospital, arm in a sling, cast on his hand and painkillers in tow.

"Uh, I've been better, Mother."

"Oh, darling, you must really be feeling terrible if _that's_ your answer," she said with a sardonic smile, rubbing her hands along his shoulders.

"He's been acting like a martyr, Gram. All stoic and brave," Alexis added.

"Hey! I can be stoic and brave."

Alexis gave him a soft tilt of her mouth. "No one said you weren't, Dad."

He returned the smile and wrapped his good arm around her shoulders.

"Thank you, Pumpkin," he murmured before pressing a kiss against her temple. "So, when do I get to take my painkillers?" He asked, trying to infuse some levity into the otherwise depressing situation.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "After you eat something."

"Oh, pancakes!" His eyes grew wide, the dullness momentarily replaced by a twinkle - more for the benefit for his family than anyone else. "Pretty please."

"Sure, Dad," Alexis replied softly, squeezing his arm.

When his daughter was out of ear-shot, Martha hooked an arm through his good one and steered him away from the kitchen. He bit back a sigh.

The interrogation was coming.

"Have you spoken to Kate again, darling?" She inquired quietly, sincerely. It occurred to him absently that his mother was more fond of Kate than both his wives put together.

He dropped his head, his jaw working uncomfortably under the bruised skin. "No. Not after-" He stopped, the words turning to ash in his mouth.

"Not after she left," he pushed out.

"Oh, Richard, I'm so sorry." She gently wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "I do like her."

He tilted his head up to look at his mother and gave her a wan smile.

"Me too, Mother." He let out a deep, almost-tortured breath. "Me too."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"I'll get it," Alexis called, hurrying towards the door. "Detective Ryan?" She answered in surprise before the other man rushed through the door. His eyes were wide and brow pulled together.

Something was wrong.

"Ryan, what's going on?"

"It's Beckett - we think she went after Bracken."

Shit.

* * *

><p>"Can I help you?"<p>

She flashed the receptionist a wide, bright smile.

"Yes, I'm Kate Beckett. I have an appointment with Senator Bracken."

The other woman smiled politely and stood up. "Oh, yes, the senator's been expecting you. Right this way, Miss Beckett. Please, follow me."

Into the dragon's den.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Apologies for the very long delay. I've had a horrible case of writer's block. Reviews will definitely help with some inspiration. Thank you very much for your patience with me. **


	9. Detonate

**Summary: The truth will set you free... Secrets are revealed, damage is done and relationships are tested to their limits.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them and never will. I'm only borrowing them for a while.**

* * *

><p><strong>Detonate<strong>

"Detective Beckett, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Bracken greeted, rising almost regally from his leather seat. He buttoned up his suit jacket and offered her a smile, his mouth opening slowly to reveal a row of pearly whites. He was confident - arrogant even - as he regarded her like a snake.

Kate stood her ground, her face giving nothing away; her eyes flinty and stormy. She didn't take a step closer, keeping her body as near to the door as possible.

"I see you already know who I am, Senator."

His grin widened, his eyes narrowing slightly. Bracken stepped from out behind the large mahogany desk and approached her nonchalantly.

He shrugged, one hand slipping into a pant pocket. "Of course I know who you are. The indomitable Kate Beckett. You make quite the impression." He emphasized the point by slithering his eyes up and down her form.

"What do you want from me, Miss Beckett?"

She worked her jaw, her hands trembling against her thigh. "The truth."

The senator huffed, his lips twisting into a conceited half-grin. "Never expect that from a politician. Besides, I don't know what you are referring to."

She could feel the rising tidal wave of anger licking through her veins, how her eyes burned with it. "You know exactly what I am referring to," she snarled, her voice dark and low. She slowly stepped forward. "Roy Montgomery, McAlister, John Raglan, my mother. Everyone you ever had killed – I want you to admit to it."

His expression softened into a mask of sympathy and understanding. But she saw it in his eyes. All of the sins he was carrying, the truth hidden beneath the mountains of lies.

Bracken lifted his hands in supplication. "Your mother was a great lawyer. She fought for truth and justice." All of her old wounds reopened at that, she could feel it ripping her heart apart, how it squeezed her lungs for air. "Her death was a tragedy. . . and I am deeply sorry for your loss, but I can't give you what you want." He was good – the well-rehearsed platitudes rolling off his tongue without much difficulty.

"I can, however, continue to do what I do best – help people." He seemed so sincere, so harmless. "And I've done that. I've done great done great things – just as you've done great things," he gestured to her, all the false empathy flowing out of his eyes.

Her eyes fell shut for a brief, clear moment before she opened them again. Her gaze seared into the man responsible for the worst nightmare of her life.

"Who do you think you're talking to?" She growled. "How can _you_ justify yourself to _me_? My mother was stabbed in an alley because of _you_." That got a twitch out of the politician, the slightest narrowing of his eyes. She could feel the rage erupt, how it climbed higher and higher, how the grief burned away everything else. Her eyes stung with hot tears as she glared at him.

"She bled to death alone in a pile of garbage," Kate hissed, her voice raw with it. "So save me your campaign speeches about the great things!"

Bracken held up a hand, seemingly unfazed, like he's had encounters like this before. "You sound a bit delusional, you know? Then again who are you? A disgraced cop obsessed with her mother's murder. And who am I?" He gestured to himself. "I'm a decent man looking out for the little guy. _That's _who the public sees and every time they elect me, I'm humbled. I strive harder to live up to that ideal, I want to be that man." His features hardened, his eyes turning an icy shade of blue.

"And I won't let you or anyone else – like your writer friend – get in my way."

Her heart skipped a beat, her face blanching. The bastard. He was enjoying this – it was written all over his face.

"Now, I don't have time to play your games, Detective. So please let yourself out," he commanded, signalling towards the door.

Despite the tightness clogging her throat, how her pulse was jumping erratically, Kate swallowed all of that down and took a step closer.

"I have the file." Her voice was low, the words scraping against the edges of her throat.

He stopped in his tracks and slowly spun around, the careful facade of indifference slipping ever so slightly. It was her turn to smile, her lips quirking slightly.

"Smith had another copy." That got his attention, his face taut with worry. "08672241. That's the number of the bank account where you deposited the money orders." She advanced a few paces toward the stunned man, bristling silently as he glared at her.

"You know what they say about politics, Senator – it's all about who holds the power. And in this scenario, I'm the one holding all the power. Now, I could release the file and end your career, but what would that mean for my life expectancy? So, we need to figure this out."

He lifted his head, his jaw clenching. He had no cards left to play, no collateral to call her bluff.

"What do you want?"

"The same deal you had with Smith, that's our deal now. And if anything happens to me or to someone I love, that file goes public. Am I clear?" Her face was like stone, her eyes pinning him like daggers. "That's a yes or no question," she barks.

He worked his jaw and reluctantly answered: "Yes."

Kate moved further into his space, almost eye to eye with the man who killed her mother.

"Oh and another thing, Senator: whoever it is you think I am and whatever you think you know about me. You have no idea what I'm capable of or how far I will go." She squared up to him, her eyes burning bright and clear. "I'm done being afraid, it's your turn now." With that, she kneed him in the groin, getting satisfaction out of the way he crumpled to the floor and grunted in pain.

She turned around to walk out the door, straightening her shoulders.

"I think we're done here."

* * *

><p>"Are you getting anything?" Esposito barked at his partner, his hands tight around the steering wheel as the three of them raced towards the Senator's New York offices.<p>

Ryan grunted in frustration. "No, she must have turned her phone off. Damn it."

Castle sat with his head in his hands. "She wouldn't do anything stupid. She wouldn't."

God, he hopes he's right.

Ryan rubbed a few fingers across his creased forehead, tension rippling over his features.

"She hasn't been in good shape, Castle. Not since this case and what happened to you."

"Come on, man. Are you freaking serious?" Esposito snapped. "It's _Beckett_."

Ryan looked at his partner, his brow furrowed, his mouth stitched in a severe line. "Yeah, I know it's Beckett. But this is the guy who killed her _mother,_ Javi. We don't know what she might do." He unlocked his phone and scrolled down the contacts.

Esposito jerked the car into a parking space and turned to his partner. "Ryan, what are you doing?"

"I'm calling Gates."

Javier shot towards his partner, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket. "You make that call and I'll break your freaking arm."

Ryan yanked away forcefully. "We can't let her do this."

"Ryan," Castle called softly, putting a hand on the Irish detective's shoulder; trying to break the tension between the two partners. "We don't know that she's doing something reckless. If you make that call," he pointed a finger to the phone in Ryan's hand. "-you're basically labelling her an assassin. That's not something you can take back." Rick watched him closely, his blue eyes serious and pleading. "Please, let's not make that call. . . yet. Give her a chance."

After a few moments, the detective nodded and reluctantly buried the phone in his pocket. All three jumped out of the car, intent on getting to the Senator's office as quickly as possible. Rick limped behind them, his ribs aching dully, his face still the carrying dark, discoloured bruises like witnesses to Bracken's wickedness.

"There's her car," Ryan said.

"Good, she's still here," Castle responded. "We can stop her before she does something-"

"Beckett!" Esposito called, spotting Kate calmly walking out of the building.

The writer stuttered to a standstill, his eyes finding her immediately, his heart caught in his throat.

God, please.

The boys were ahead of him, already talking to their partner. She seemed calm, her face giving nothing away. He saw Ryan's head drop and his shoulders ease. Javier was still grim, but he sighed and it looked like relief as he patted Kate's shoulders. Finally, finally, she locked eyes with him.

He stumbled forward, his face taut and throbbing. "Kate," he breathed, her name a vapour on his lips.

She touched a shaky hand to her forehead, dropping her eyes and stepping closer. It's still too far away. He wanted to reach out a trace the elegant ridge of her jaw with his fingers, haunt her cheekbone with his touch.

But he didn't.

"We've come to an understanding," she murmured, her voice splintering around the words.

He gave up and stepped closer, cupping her elbow. "You made a deal with him?"

She glanced up at him and nodded, her jaw tight. "Yeah." She shrugged and stepped away from him and he tried to let it not sting too much. "I made a deal with the devil."

"Kate-"

"I need to go," she said, her eyes not meeting any of theirs, her brow furrowing. "I can't be here any longer."

"Sure," Ryan said, touching her back. "We'll escort you back."

She shook her head, turning to the detective. "Ry, no, you don't have to-"

Esposito stepped in, his face steely. "We're doing this, Beckett. No arguments."

Finally, she nodded. "Okay. . . okay. Thank you." She met Castle's eyes again for a brief moment before she turned around and walked to her own car. He watched her go without him.

"You comin', Castle?" Ryan asked, weariness creeping into his voice.

Rick took another moment to watch her get in and turns around. "Yeah, let's go."

* * *

><p>She stood with her hands on her hips, watching her boys check her apartment for any signs of foul play or surveillance. "Guys, you don't have to worry. Bracken and I reached. . . an understanding."<p>

"Doesn't mean he didn't keep tabs on you or sent more of his dogs on your trail," Espo volleyed back, returning to the living room.

"Everything seems clear though," Ryan added. "At least it looks like they haven't been here."

"And they won't be," Kate commented. "Look, I hold all the aces. That file is my trump card." She flicked her eyes to Castle, lingering on him before returning her attention to the other detectives.

"It's safe, right?" Ryan asked, frowning.

"Yeah, in the safest place I know."

The detective nodded, relief washing over his face. "Good."

They stood there in awkward silence for a moment.

"I kneed him in the nuts," she blurted out; a surreal moment of absurdity, remembering how satisfied she was with that.

They all stared at her in shock. After a moment, Esposito snorted and Ryan belted out a laugh. Rick chuckled quietly, watching how Kate grinned widely at her partners.

"Beckett, seriously?" Esposito cackled, his face breaking open with a smile.

She nodded. "Yeah, I swear." She was clutching her stomach, hysterical laughter still spilling out of her. She kneed the man who murdered her mother in the groin instead of shooting him in the head.

It's ridiculous how amusing that is. It must be shock.

"So, you kneed him in the nuts and then what?" Ryan enquired, his mouth pulled into a delighted grin.

She shrugged, still smiling. "I said 'I think we're done here' and walked away."

"Very Clint Eastwood of you," Castle finally commented, sliding off the kitchen counter stool.

She glanced at him, her smile softening for a moment. "I suppose it was."

"I think it calls for a toast," Esposito said, nodding towards Kate. "Beckett, you got anything to toast with?"

She offered them a gentled smile, her eyes moving between her three partners.

Her boys.

"Yeah, I might have something."

* * *

><p>"You sure you're good?" Esposito asked again, shrugging on his jacket. He was watching her with a wary expression. She got the feeling he was not just referring to her safety. She had to make a deal with the man who murdered her mother.<p>

God, that's twisted.

Kate nodded, patting his arm. "Yes, Javi, I'm good. I promise."

Ryan wound a red scarf around his neck and came to stand next to his partner. "We'll get him, Kate," Ryan offered, touching her shoulder. His mouth tilted into a half-grin.

Tears suddenly welled in her eyes for the affection shown by her partners, her brothers. "I know." She had to bite down the sudden burning emotion. "Thank you - for having my back. I owe you one."

Ryan shrugged. "It's what partners do."

"We're your bros, Beckett." Esposito playfully knocked his fist into her shoulder. She let out a watery chuckle and pulled him in for a brief, tight hug. He released her and Ryan stepped in, saying something in her ear and flicking his gaze to where Castle was sitting, still not making any effort to move. She nodded briskly and covertly tried to wipe the moisture from beneath her eyes.

"Castle, you staying?" Esposito asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, I'm staying," the writer replied, his attention gravitating back to Kate.

"Okay, see you bro. Ciao."

"Bye," Ryan added with a wave as the two detectives walked out.

Rick squared his shoulders, shifting in the seat and setting his jaw. He's not going anywhere. He watched as Kate closed the door with a heavy sigh, taking a moment to rest against the wood, one of her hands placed on the handle, the other one scraping through her hair.

Eventually, she turned around and locked her gaze onto him, striding further into her home, her territory. Her eyes were stormy, dark with heavy burdens and weariness. She breathed out, her ribs expanding with the shaky exhale. The day's events were catching up with her; she put on a brave face with the boys. But he saw right through her defenses.

Or what's left of it.

"So, should I call you a cab?" She asked, holding up her phone. He got the hint, but he decided to be stubbornly obtuse.

He lifted a shoulder, hands casually clasped in his lap. "No, I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

She dropped her head, sighing heavily. "Castle, please." She lifted her eyes again, misty and pleading. "Not tonight."

She was trying to evade him, to avoid talking about where they are, about _what_ they are. He was not letting her get away with it anymore.

"Then when, Kate?" He moved off the seat and slowly took a few steps toward her.

She offered him a wan smile. "When we're both in better shape, Rick."

"And when is that going to be?"

She bit her lip, shifting her gaze around the room before landing it back on him.

"Tomorrow. Please, I'm exhausted."

He swallowed, his blue eyes electric on her. Finally, he bobbed his head once, twice. "Okay, fine. We'll talk about everything tomorrow. First thing."

She smiled tiredly, the whole slender frame of her body sagging with relief. "Promise."

"Good," he said and moved over to sit on the couch, toeing off his shoes.

Kate frowned at him in confusion. "Castle, what are you doing?"

"Taking off my shoes," he stated matter-of-factly.

She blinked in surprise, her mouth opening and closing. "Uh, why? I thought we just agreed to talk about everything tomorrow."

He sat back, watching her and nods. "We did."

"So, what aren't you leaving?" She crossed her arms and pursed her lips.

"Because I don't want to."

She pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling the pressure build behind her eyes. "Castle, you don't have to stay-"

He stood up abruptly. "I'm not _leaving_," he growled, voice crashing against the cave of his throat. She jerked her head up and saw him hunched over, a hand protectively curled around his ribs.

Shit.

He must be in a lot of pain. She quickly walked toward him and guided him to sit next to her, a hand around his elbow.

"You okay?" Kate gently touched his cheek to get him to look at her, his skin an array of different colours now.

He grimaced and clenched his teeth. "Yeah, no - I'm fine. It's just. . . sensitive."

She skimmed her hands over ribs, her touch light. "You want some painkillers?"

His skin was pale despite the rainbow of bruises, sweat trickling steadily down the path of his jaw.

"Yeah, I think that'll be a good idea." He tried to lift his mouth into a smile for her, but it collapsed under the pain rippling through his body.

"Okay, sit tight."

After about ten minutes, Kate returned with a bottle of painkillers and a glass of water only to find the writer passed out on the couch, snoring softly. She sighed and sat down next to his hip, her hand ghosting over his hurt ribs. He grunted when she touched a sensitive spot, eyes flying open and landing on her. He struggled to sit up, but Kate stopped him with a hand on his sternum.

"Don't get up, Castle. I brought you some painkillers." She fished out two and handed it to him along with the water. "Here, drink that. I'll get you a blanket."

"Kate," he called out, his voice like a rough edge. "We'll talk tomorrow, right?"

There was so much vulnerability, so much love seeping out of his every pore. Her heart stuttered at the unguarded look he was giving; his face not hiding anything. He's in love with her and she's in love with him. It should be simple really - boy likes girl, girl falls for boy, they get together and live happily ever after.

But can they pay the price for having that?

She was not sure she can survive seeing him bruised and battered again. Or worse.

So, instead of unloading all of her fears unto him now, she simply nodded and said:

"Of course."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Apologies for how long this chapter took. The muse have been absent for a few months. Thank you for all the support so far, I truly appreciate it. **

**This is an updated version; I discovered that this chapter was written in the present tense while the rest of the story is in the past tense. I apologize for the glaring mistake. It's fixed now. *Facepalm* **


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